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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23220832">Suspending Pleasures</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katri/pseuds/Katri'>Katri</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pride and Prejudice &amp; Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice (1995), Pride and Prejudice (2005), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comedy, F/M, Humour, Quarantine, contagious disease</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:09:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,815</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23220832</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katri/pseuds/Katri</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A dangerous new disease is spreading and the government is suggesting social distancing measures that some people take more seriously than others. Will Elizabeth and Darcy find common ground? Work in progress.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1 - Breakfast at Bingley's</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Author's note: The conundrums that the characters face  resemble the current corona crisis so this might be distressing for some. I am trying to keep the tone mostly light and humorous. But it is a dangerous new disease and this is the Regency when the doctors had fewer cures available for diseases that they were familiar with, so there is a chance that I might accidentally kill someone off.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>SUSPENDING PLEASURES</h3>
<h4>CHAPTER 1 - BREAKFAST AT BINGLEY'S</h4>
<p>“The Times says that there is a dangerous contagion spreading,” Mr. Bingley said at the breakfast table, putting down the newspaper with a worried frown.</p>
<p>“Oh, I hope there is a cure,” Mrs. Hurst said.</p>
<p>“Unfortunately not,” Bingley responded. “The doctors say there is little they can do to treat the symptoms so it is better to try to avoid it altogether.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I agree. I am all for avoiding diseases,” Mrs. Hurst said. “How are we supposed to manage that?”</p>
<p>“The government is recommending some measures to contain the outbreak.”</p>
<p>“Oh, really? What are they saying we should do?” Mr. Darcy said.</p>
<p>“To keep away from the sick, I suppose,” guessed Mr. Hurst and ate a piece of toast. “It will not be a problem --  I have always kept away from the sickroom.”</p>
<p>“Oh no, we visited Miss Bennet’s sickroom,” Mrs. Hurst exclaimed.</p>
<p>Miss Bingley sipped her tea delicately. “That woman had a lot of nerve to come here just to fall ill and expect us to nurse her.”</p>
<p>“I thought Miss Elizabeth Bennet nursed her,” Darcy said. He was drinking his coffee black.</p>
<p>“I am sure Miss Bennet did not fall ill just to annoy Caroline,” Bingley said.</p>
<p>“Maybe not but so irresponsible of her,” Miss Bingley said. “She had no thought that we might have caught the disease from her.”</p>
<p>“How do you know that we did not?” Mrs Hurst asked.</p>
<p>“Well, you are not ill, are you?” Miss Bingley said.</p>
<p>“I do not know,” Mrs. Hurst sighed. “I am feeling a little odd.”</p>
<p>“Maybe those eggs do not suit you,” Miss Bingley said. “I never like eggs in the morning.”</p>
<p>“This ham is nice,” Mr. Hurst said.</p>
<p>“I wonder if you can get ill from too much ham,” Mrs. Hurst said.</p>
<p>“Never have so far,” Mr. Hurst said cheerfully.</p>
<p>Miss Bingley was not interested in talking about ham.  “Is there anything about the court in the paper?”</p>
<p>Mr. Bingley took the newspaper up again and checked. “Apparently the Regent is considering social distancing.”</p>
<p>“What does that mean?”</p>
<p>“He is going to invite fewer people to his parties.”</p>
<p>“Good for him,” Mr. Hurst said. “A huge crush might be considered a success but there is such a thing as too many people in the same room.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He probably knows less than half of the people in his parties anyway,” Mr. Darcy commented.</p>
<p>“It seems like he is afraid of catching a disease from the partygoers.”</p>
<p>Mr. Hurst laughed raucously. “You have to be careful who you...” There was a pause as he was looking for a suitable word.  “...<i>Associate with</i>, if you catch my drift.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Miss Bingley said primly. “It does no one any good to associate with those who are beneath them.”</p>
<p>“That might be lonely for him as he could hardly associate with anyone,” Mrs. Hurst said.</p>
<p>“There is no raspberry jam,” Mr. Hurst said, buttering his toast. “I do not like strawberry jam with the toast.”</p>
<p>“We will ask if the cook can find raspberry jam for tomorrow.” Bingley was always willing to help.</p>
<p>“They may not have heard of raspberries this far from London,” Miss Bingley said.</p>
<p>Mr. Darcy stared at Miss Bingley for a long time. Then he turned to her brother.  “What were you saying about the disease?”</p>
<p>“Oh yes, it seems quite frightening, and easily infectious.”</p>
<p>“Is it smallpox?” Miss Bingley asked.</p>
<p>“No, it is like a violent cold. It has been going around for several weeks now but the doctors are just starting to realize that the cases may be connected.”</p>
<p>“Oh, then it is no matter,” Mr. Hurst said. “I never get colds.”</p>
<p>“I get colds,” Mrs. Hurst said.</p>
<p>“Getting smallpox would be so dreadful.” Miss Bingley shuddered.   “One of the coachmen we saw at the Bromley inn had had it and he was terribly disfigured.”</p>
<p>The sight had thoroughly discomposed Miss Bingley and she had had several nightmares about it.  “How could one ever begin to cover those dreadful pockmarks?”</p>
<p>“With a veil, I would assume,” said Mr. Hurst practically.</p>
<p>“Oh, Caroline is too beautiful to wear a veil,” Mrs. Hurst said.</p>
<p>“Not after she gets smallpox,” Mr. Hurst said.</p>
<p>“It is not smallpox,” Mr. Bingley said.</p>
<p>“Which measures are being recommended?” Mr. Darcy asked. “Is there something we should be mindful of?”</p>
<p>“It is advisable to avoid any unnecessary journeys as you may come into contact with contagious persons.”</p>
<p>“Oh, that is such a great idea.  I wish people would do that,” said Mr. Hurst. “When we go back in London it will be a much more pleasant journey if no one else is about.”</p>
<p>“Can we go back in London now?  If I die of smallpox, I do not want my funeral to be held in Hertfordshire,” Mrs. Hurst said.</p>
<p>“It is not smallpox,” Mr. Bingley said.</p>
<p>“You can never tell where you can get smallpox these days,” Mr. Hurst said, taking another piece of toast and spreading such a generous helping of strawberry jam on it that one would never have guessed that he did not like it.</p>
<p>“It is probably easier to get smallpox in London, as it is more densely populated,” Mr. Darcy remarked.</p>
<p>“Or on the road. The people  in roadside inns may come from anywhere and have any diseases,” Mr. Hurst said. “Most of them are probably travelling for frivolous reasons and should  stay at home.”</p>
<p>“If they stayed at home it would be safer when we go to Ramsgate,” Mrs. Hurst said.</p>
<p>“Much more comfortable too. Crowded inns are the worst thing,” Mr. Hurst declared.</p>
<p>Miss Bingley disagreed. “Smallpox is the worst thing.”</p>
<p>“This new fever is pretty bad too,” Mr. Bingley said.</p>
<p>“Let me see that article, please,” Mr. Darcy said.</p>
<p>“It is a severe pneumonia that  has killed several people already, and the doctors think it is highly contagious.” Bingley had lost his appetite.</p>
<p>“Oh no, how scary,” Mrs. Hurst said. “What are the symptoms?”</p>
<p>Darcy consulted the paper. “The afflicted may present with a dry cough and a high temperature, and later it may turn into a more serious lung affliction.”</p>
<p>“How does it spread?” Mrs. Hurst asked.</p>
<p>“It is not known,” Darcy said,  “but according to the article the doctors think that people can spread the disease  even if they are feeling healthy.”</p>
<p>“Oh no, are any of you feeling healthy?”  Mrs. Hurst touched her forehead as if trying to gauge her temperature. "I am feeling healthy. Do you think it is serious?"</p>
<p>“The government says we may end up in chaos if everyone gets sick at the same time,” Bingley said.</p>
<p>“If you can get the disease from healthy people there is nothing we can do,” Miss Bingley said. “We cannot shun all the healthy people forever.”</p>
<p>“It is going to be dashed hard to avoid if no one knows where you can get it from,” Mr. Hurst said.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Darcy said, “and that is why one of the things they recommend in the paper is that everyone  suspend all the non-essential pleasures that involve gathering a lot of people in a confined space at the same time.”</p>
<p>“Well, you have never liked crowds so it will be no hardship for you,” Bingley said.</p>
<p>“Say, can we skip church?” Mr. Hurst thought church always started at the most inconvenient times.</p>
<p>“Does church qualify as a non-essential pleasure?” Bingley asked.</p>
<p>“Maybe not... The local vicar is quite boring and tedious.” Hurst yawned. “Maybe one more piece of toast...”</p>
<p>“Some might think that another piece of toast is a non-essential pleasure,” Mrs. Hurst said. “You have already had at least seven.”</p>
<p>“Not that you are counting... The day is young yet, I might get up to a round dozen.”</p>
<p>“All vicars are boring and tedious,” Miss Bingley said. “It is part of their job description. They could not keep people on the straight and narrow if the sermons were just a collection of funny stories.”</p>
<p>“I just wish they could keep me on the straight and narrow without making me fall asleep every Sunday morning,” Mr. Hurst said.</p>
<p>“Perhaps you ought to try to stay awake next Sunday so you can pray for our health,” Mrs. Hurst said. “I do not want to become ill.”</p>
<p>“We should pray at home,” Mr. Hurst said.  “What if some of the parishioners are sick and you get it from them at church?”</p>
<p>Miss Bingley scoffed.  Once it had been established that smallpox was not an immediate threat she was no longer worried. “With our luck, we do not have to go to the sick people, the sick people will come to us. Look at those shameless Bennets who just moved in for a week with their coughs and fevers.”</p>
<p>“Thank God they are gone,” Mrs. Hurst said warmly. “Miss Bennet is a sweet girl but we could all have caught that illness from her, and then what would we do?”</p>
<p>“Fortunately we could convalesce in Hertfordshire for months without missing any interesting social events,” said Miss Bingley, ever the optimist.</p>
<p>“Speaking of social events,  do you think we should cancel the ball?” Mr. Bingley said, looking at Mr. Darcy.</p>
<p>This caused an immediate uproar.</p>
<p>“Oh no, Charles!” Miss Bingley cried out. “I have gone to so much trouble for the preparations. Surely you cannot think of cancelling the ball for a trifling cold that goes around.”</p>
<p>“I do not know, Caroline,” Bingley said thoughtfully. “It does not sound trifling, the way it was described. It sounds quite serious.”</p>
<p>“Let us not make a mountain out of a molehill,” Mr. Hurst said. “These things come and go, everyone gets a cough once in a while.”</p>
<p>“Once in a while someone dies of it,” Mr. Darcy said.</p>
<p>“Oh well, do not fret, Mr. Darcy,” said Miss Bingley. “Nobody lives forever, and I think we deserve to have a little amusement, after such a trying time in these backwaters.”</p>
<p>“It would be a shame if everyone missed the punch," Mr. Hurst said. "Sir William Lucas told me that our cook has the best recipe in Hertfordshire and he is looking forward to tasting it again.”</p>
<p>“I am sure the cook could  make it for you whether we hold the ball or not,” Mr. Bingley said.</p>
<p>“You cannot be serious, Charles,” Miss Bingley said. “How would it seem if we sent out the invitations and retracted them straight away?”</p>
<p>“Do you not think that people would understand if we postponed it and explained the reason?” Bingley looked a little uncertain.</p>
<p>“They would think that you are an odd, rude creature.”</p>
<p>“Oh, certainly not,” Darcy said.</p>
<p>“The cook has already done so much for the refreshments, and what would we do with all the white soup if we cancel?” Caroline was incensed by the thought of cancelling the ball because she considered the event to be her audition for the role of Mrs. Darcy . Surely if she was the hostess of the best party Hertfordshire had ever experienced, Mr. Darcy would see her excellent qualifications to be the Mistress of Pemberley. He had been quite friendly during their sojourn in Netherfield Park.</p>
<p>“White soup aside, it says in the paper that so far science is not aware of any cure for the infection, and decreasing social contacts is currently the only thing that can halt the spread of the disease and spare lives,”  said Darcy who had finished reading the article.</p>
<p>“Oh, the scientists are always so cautious. But you are so strong and manly, so I am sure that a mere cough and a fever are not going to kill you, Mr. Darcy.”</p>
<p>“A cough and a fever killed my father, Miss Bingley.”</p>
<p>This embarrassed Miss Bingley for a while and she murmured something inaudible that might have been a nursery rhyme just as easily as a show of sympathy.</p>
<p>“My father died while sleeping,” Mr. Hurst said. “But I am not going to cancel naptime.”</p>
<p>“There is no danger, I am sure. The people who are ill will not want to come to the ball,” Miss Bingley said.</p>
<p>“According to the news the doctors believe people can spread the disease even if they are not feeling poorly,” Darcy said.</p>
<p>“I am not feeling poorly,” Mrs. Hurst said. “Do you think I have it?”</p>
<p>“There is no way to know,” Darcy said.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2 - Longbourn Loungers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which the Bennets and the Lucases discuss dancing and diseases.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>SUSPENDING PLEASURES</h3><h4>CHAPTER 2 - LONGBOURN LOUNGERS</h4><p>The news was sometimes slow to reach  Longbourn as Mr. Bennet was usually more interested in the antics of ancient Greeks and Romans than those of the current London establishment. But thanks to the efforts of Mrs. Bennet’s social circle, gossip went around more quickly. Hence the Bennets could usually be counted to be informed of any interesting goings-on in the court, as well as news that affected any of the locals, rather sooner than later. </p><p>So, eventually the Bennet family sat in the parlour sipping tea and discussing dangerous diseases with their guests, Sir William Lucas, Lady Lucas and their two eldest daughters. </p><p>Lady Lucas had received a letter from a London friend who knew someone who knew someone who had become desperately ill due to a new, dangerous disease.  A new dangerous disease was a matter of some interest for everyone present so there were a lot of questions. Unfortunately answers were in a shorter supply.</p><p>Lady Lucas thought the person might be about to recover but she could not be sure, and when Mrs. Bennet wanted to know whether the person had been attended to by a proper doctor or just an apothecary that question was also left unresolved.</p><p>Miss Mary Bennet interrogated Lady Lucas about whether the person had been about to die or merely very ill, and whether a priest had been called to administer to the person, but she could not say for certain. After Sir William had given some thought to the matter, everyone agreed that a person who recovers from their illness may be less ill to begin with than a person who dies.</p><p>Mr. Bennet wanted to know more about the symptoms of the disease but the Lucases could not tell them very much about them either. There might be fever, lightheadedness, coughing, or some other signs, or possibly none of those things.</p><p>“Nevertheless, it is a terrible disease,” Lady Lucas concluded.</p><p>“Yes, definitely a most horrid one,” Mrs. Bennet nodded.</p><p>Miss Catherine inquired how to avoid getting the disease. It was generally thought to be an excellent question but no one had an equal quality answer. Clearly one should avoid associating with persons who were sick, but apparently it was possible to contract the disease without any interactions with any obviously ailing persons, so this was hardly helpful.</p><p>"The Prince Regent has decided to practice social distancing," Lady Lucas said. "He does not want to get it from anybody, so he does not associate with as many people."</p><p>"I wonder if anyone feels the loss," Mr. Bennet said.</p><p>Miss Lydia wanted to know how many people had died because of the new disease.  Sir William had read the headlines in the Times just that morning so he felt qualified to answer that one. “At least sixty,” he said. “Although there is no test so it may sometimes be difficult for doctors to tell if people have died of the new disease or some of the old ones.”</p><p>“I would not like to die of a boring old disease,” Miss Lydia said.</p><p>“I am sure you can manage to die of something strange and exciting if you try hard enough,” her father said.</p><p>Miss Elizabeth Bennet was curious. “If there is no test, how do the doctors know that it is a new disease?”</p><p>“I do not know,” Sir William said. “Maybe it is because new people are dying, people who have never died before.”</p><p>“It would certainly save some trouble if the people dying had had more practice doing it,” Mr. Bennet said. “That way they could achieve true proficiency.”</p><p>Everyone was silent for a moment. Finally Mrs. Bennet exclaimed. “Oh, Mr. Bennet, you are funning again. Whoever would want true proficiency in death?”</p><p>“Dying seems an awfully messy process,” Mr. Bennet said. “Maybe people could handle it more elegantly with more experience.”</p><p>“Capital, capital,” said Sir William.  </p><p>“Why, that is pure nonsense,” Mrs. Bennet said. “Why would anyone care about being elegant after they’re dead?”</p><p>“Our reputation might precede us into the land of the dead,” Mr. Bennet said.</p><p>“It certainly does,” said Miss Mary Bennet piously. Whether she missed the jesting nature of Mr. Bennet’s conversation or chose to disregard it, no one was ever sure. “Our names have been written in the Book of Life, and when we pass to the other world they will know us by our deeds and by our faith.”</p><p>“Thank you, Mary,” Miss Bennet said. “I hope we will all get a good word spoken for us when we die.”</p><p>“I hope it will not be necessary for a long while yet,” remarked Miss Lucas.</p><p>“We are certainly all too busy to die,” announced Miss Lydia Bennet. “There is so much to do to get ready for  the Netherfield ball.”</p><p>“I need some new ribbons for my dress,” Miss Catherine Bennet remembered suddenly.</p><p>“Oh yes,” said Miss Maria Lucas. “So do I.”</p><p>“Which dress are you wearing,” Miss Lydia asked.</p><p>“The yellow one I got made last spring,” Miss Maria Lucas said. “I might alter it.”</p><p>“You should lower the neckline,” Miss Lydia said.</p><p>Lady Lucas started coughing violently.</p><p>“No, Maria, you should not,” Miss Lucas said. It was evident from her tone that they had had this conversation before, and might have it again.</p><p>The coughing continued and everyone except Miss Lydia got concerned that Lady Lucas was choking on her scone. Sir William hit his wife in the back twice, then a third time, more forcefully. A tiny piece of scone shot out of her mouth and she took a big gulp of breath.</p><p>“Are you all right, Mother?” Miss Lucas asked.</p><p>“I am fine, thank you,” Lady Lucas said, a little hoarsely. “I do not know what happened there but I am sure it was not the least bit elegant.”</p><p> “As long as you are fine, capital, capital,” said Sir William.</p><p>“We are all blessed,” Miss Mary said.</p><p>Mrs. Bennet was indeed feeling very blessed and extremely grateful that Lady Lucas had recovered, because a dead body in the parlour in the middle of a friendly tea hour would be such an inconvenience, and of course  it would have been a terrible blow to her reputation as a hostess if it became known that her scones had killed a guest. And what would the neighbours think if the Bennets attended the Netherfield ball so soon after the death of a guest in their house? Would it seem cold to carry on celebrating, even if the deceased was not a relative?</p><p>Of course, Lady Lucas was also a dear, dear friend and to think of the grief -- it was unthinkable.</p><p> “Jane, can I borrow your blue necklace for the ball?” Miss Catherine asked.</p><p>“Yes, if you wish, Kitty,  of course you can,” Miss Bennet said.</p><p>“No, you certainly cannot,” said Mrs. Bennet. “Jane needs to look her best, and everyone else can get whatever is left after Jane is done.”</p><p>“Yes, mama,” Miss Elizabeth said, “I am sure we will manage to be tolerable without Jane’s jewelry.” </p><p>“What fun we are going to have,” said Miss Catherine. “I hope all the officers will be there.”</p><p>“Captain Carter is so handsome,” Miss Lydia said.</p><p>“Oh yes,” sighed Miss Maria. “So handsome.”</p><p>“But penniless, I imagine,” Sir William said.</p><p>“Young men are always more attractive if they do not have a feather to fly with,” Mr. Bennet said. “It is a well known fact.”</p><p>“Oh Papa,” Miss Lydia sighed, “we do not go to the ball to covet his feathers, we just want to dance.”</p><p>“The purpose of a ball is to have fun,” Miss Catherine said.</p><p>“There will be so much fun,” Miss Maria echoed.</p><p>It fell upon Miss Mary to remind them all that their Lord and Creator would not wish them to spend the majority of their time on such frivolous amusements.</p><p>Mrs. Bennet was shocked. “Frivolous! Fun! Girls, you know perfectly well that there is a very serious purpose: a ball is a great opportunity to meet eligible gentlemen.”</p><p>“I do hope there will be some new faces,” Lady Lucas said.</p><p>“Perhaps Mr. Bingley has invited some of his single friends from London,” Mrs. Bennet said.</p><p>“If they are all as eager to please as his friend Mr. Darcy, we are going to have such a splendid evening,” Miss Elizabeth replied.</p><p>“There will be many officers, I am sure,” Mrs. Bennet said.</p><p>“Most of the officers cannot support a family,” Mr. Bennet remarked.</p><p>“How lucky that we have you to support us, Papa” Miss Catherine said.</p><p>“You will not have your father forever,” Mrs. Bennet said sternly. “It is your duty to marry well so we do not end up in the hedgerows when that odious cousin overtakes the estate.”</p><p>“Thank you, dear,” Mr. Bennet responded drily. “I had almost forgotten that I was mortal, and I was due another reminder.”</p><p>“We are all mortals, enduring this earthly life in the hope of a greater reward in Heaven,” Miss Mary said. Everyone ignored her, but she carried on regardless. “One day we will meet our Maker and He will want to know whether we spent our days doing good deeds or dancing.”</p><p>“Mama, shall I ring for more tea?” Miss Bennet asked.</p><p>“Yes, please,” Lady Lucas said. “I would love another cup.”</p><p>“One day we will all die, so we might just as well eat some more scones now,” Miss Lydia said.</p><p>“They are to die for,” Miss Maria said.</p><p>“Excellent scones, Mrs. Bennet,” Sir William said. “They are extraordinarily delicious.”</p><p>“Why, thank you, Sir William,” Mrs. Bennet said.</p><p>“Of course your scones are always excellent,” he added. “I do not mean to say...”</p><p>“Of course,” Mrs. Bennet said benevolently. “No one has ever complained about the quality of the scones in this household, and they have certainly  never attempted to kill anyone before.”</p><p>“Capital, capital,” Sir William exclaimed.</p><p>Mrs. Hill entered with additional tea things, and the conversation ebbed for a while as everybody busied themselves with getting their cups filled and deliberating whether they wanted to eat more. Lady Lucas refused politely, but the others were braver and defied potential death eating some more scones.</p><p>“Nothing is better than spending time with good friends,” Mrs. Bennet said.</p><p>“Certainly,” Sir William said. “You are so right... only...” He drifted off.</p><p>“Only what, dear?” Lady Lucas asked.</p><p>“I was just thinking about that Times article about the disease. They wrote that the government advises us to limit social contacts to avoid contracting the disease.”</p><p>“Oh yes, but nobody is sick here,  poor Jane is quite recovered by now.” Mrs. Bennet was not excessively concerned. “The disease is spreading in London, so we should have nothing to worry about.”</p><p>“Capital, capital,” Sir William said. “But if Mr. Bingley invites friends from London to the ball, who knows what diseases they arrive with...”</p><p>“Oh, I am sure Mr. Bingley would not be so thoughtless,”Mrs. Bennet exclaimed.</p><p>“I am not certain it is wise to attend,” Mr. Bennet said. “Mayhap we should beware of strangers bearing infections.”</p><p>“Oh Papa,” Miss Catherine cried out. “If you do not like balls you do not have to come, but we have been waiting for this for so long.”</p><p>“Perhaps Mr. Bingley will cancel it altogether,” Miss Lucas said.</p><p>“Oh no!” Mrs. Bennet and Lady Lucas exclaimed in unison.</p><p>“Where would any of the girls meet any gentlemen if there are no social engagements?” Lady Lucas asked.</p><p>“We are never getting married if we die of an infection,” Miss Lucas said.</p><p>“I am sure Mr. Bingley does not mean to cancel the ball,” Mrs. Bennet said. “He has asked Jane for the first dance.”</p><p>“Let them cancel London balls,” Miss Lydia said. “No one cares about stupid London balls. But we are so far from London it would be quite unfair to cancel the only amusement we have had in ages.”</p><p>“If there is an order to limit social contacts, surely a ball would be the first thing to go. Everyone can suspend that pleasure without coming to any undue harm.”  Mr. Bennet did not seem overly distressed about this prospect.</p><p>Neither did Miss Mary. “Cancelling the ball would give us time to reflect on our true values in life.  Which is more important, a reel or our immortal souls?”</p><p>“If it is true that one can get this disease from people who are not visibly ill, it will certainly be difficult to know who to avoid in a crowded ballroom, and this order to decrease all contacts would make sense,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p><p> “Surely it is more like a guideline than an actual rule,” Miss Lydia said.  </p><p>“This policy was not invented by anyone with five unmarried daughters,” Mrs. Bennet said darkly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3 - Stranger Danger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which we meet Mr. Collins.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>SUSPENDING PLEASURES</h3>
<h4>CHAPTER 3 - STRANGER DANGER</h4>
<p>Mr. Bennet had every intention to abide by his edict to beware of strangers, as he was never too keen on meeting new people, diseased or otherwise. To this end, he responded in a swift negative when a  cousin from Kent he had never met before wrote of his resolution to visit the Bennets. However, the correspondence failed to have the desired effect,  and  the stranger  turned up on their doorstep anyway.  He had reached Meryton by post, and a farmer brought him to Longbourn in his cart. The cousin and his luggage were deposited near the gate, and the farmer was on his way before anyone had realized  what had happened.  </p>
<p>The cousin’s name was William Collins,  and he was received in a courteous albeit stupefied manner by the ladies who had not been informed of the letters the gentlemen had exchanged.</p>
<p>“Of course guests shall always be welcome in Longbourn,” Mrs. Bennet said mournfully, “but I wish I had had some advance warning of your arrival.”  </p>
<p> Mr. Bennet greeted him somewhat less graciously. “Perhaps you did not receive my letter stating that it would be unwise for you to travel so far during such an epidemic, and we had best suspend the pleasure of meeting you.”</p>
<p>Mr. Collins acknowledged that he had indeed received the missive, but apparently the lady who had recently given him a living had thought that his journey was absolutely essential.  He thanked Mr. Bennet profusely for that tremendous concern for his wellbeing, but he had had an extremely comfortable journey, and in his opinion this was an optimal time to travel as there were fewer other carriages on the roads . </p>
<p>“Just as my patroness, Lady Catherine DeBourgh,  predicted, one can get very quick service at the roadside inns when nobody else is about.”  Mr. Collins paused for dramatic effect before uttering the name of his patroness, as if he was expecting everyone to be very impressed.</p>
<p>“Nobody else is about because people have been advised not to travel unnecessarily,” Mr. Bennet said.</p>
<p>“Of course, and it is very wise of them to take that counsel. I do heartily approve everyone who refrains from making unnecessary journeys, but naturally sometimes circumstances require us to make the effort.”</p>
<p>“I am sure it was completely unavoidable that you would grace us with your presence,” Mr. Bennet mused.</p>
<p>“We are certainly grateful for anyone who makes an effort for us.”  Mrs. Bennet was trying her best to be polite, for this was the odious man who had the power to kick her into the hedgerows after Mr. Bennet’s death, and she supposed that it was worthwhile to establish a good relationship with him. But it was certainly very inconvenient that he chose to intrude their household at this very time. There was a deadly disease going around, the guest room had not been aired, and where would the cook get another course for dinner at such short notice?   </p>
<p>Miss Bennet was smiling politely. “We are happy that you have arrived safely.”</p>
<p>“I wonder you took the trouble of coming so far,” said Miss Elizabeth Bennet.  </p>
<p>“Far? Oh no. What is fifty miles of good road? Little more than half a day's journey. Yes, I call it a very easy distance, well worth travelling to see my beautiful young cousins. And of course  you too, Mrs. Bennet, Mr. Bennet. In fact, I have come to offer an olive branch.”</p>
<p>“Oh, really?" Mr. Bennet said. "I suppose firewood is always useful”</p>
<p>“As you know there was an unfortunate breach between our esteemed forefathers – a most regrettable misunderstanding, I am sure, the details of which we need not concern ourselves with, for there is little clarity to be obtained about the vagaries of those who have passed on, and discussing past strife would bring no pleasure to the present company. All that I know about it is...”</p>
<p>No one ever found out what Mr. Collins knew, for although he was about to go on happily discussing past strife in some detail  he had to stop for a breath, and Mr. Bennet interrupted him.  “Yes, you are of course absolutely right, and there is no point in bringing that subject up. I am certain everyone had their reasons for whatever they did.”</p>
<p>This banal observation struck Mr. Collins as a product of great wisdom, and he gave a lot of thought about the potential reasons that his long deceased father may have had for his falling out with Mr. Bennet’s father, trying to paint everyone as perfect angels. He felt it necessary to defend his father and compliment the late Mr. Bennet at the same time, and he was surprisingly creative, coming up with several different theories  about how  both of them might have been considered justified in their actions.  As these gentlemen have been long deceased and resting in their respective graves, their villainy is outside the scope of this tale.  We should not speak ill of the dead,  so suffice it to say that none of his speculations were accurate.</p>
<p>He was interrupted by Miss Catherine Bennet who had a fit of coughing.  </p>
<p>Miss Mary gave her a handkerchief.</p>
<p>“Kitty, please do not cough so,” Mrs. Bennet said. “Mr. Collins will think that we are afflicted.”</p>
<p>“I am not ill,” Miss Catherine said, and sneezed.  “I think I am just sensitive to Jane’s fragrance. It tickles my nose.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I am so sorry,” Miss Bennet said. “I did not know. I will not use it again.”</p>
<p>“Maybe it would help if you used a little less of it,” Miss Catherine said.</p>
<p>“Your fragrance is extremely pleasant, Miss Bennet,” Mr. Collins said.  “I am happy to observe that your reputation as esteemed beauties was not exaggerated. Rather you are all much lovelier than one could reasonably expect.”</p>
<p> “We have a reputation as esteemed beauties?” Miss Lydia asked delightedly.</p>
<p>“Mr. Collins is right. No one could reasonably expect us to be lovely,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p>
<p>“It is strange that anyone would speak of us in Kent,”  Miss Mary said.</p>
<p>It was not, in fact, strange at all because Mr. Collins had made that reputation up as an attempt to flatter without sparing a thought to plausibility.   He was forced to fib and imply that he had heard tales of their beauty in Meryton. Mrs. Bennet and Miss Lydia were the only ones willing to believe him, because upon his introduction a couple of minutes earlier he had told them he had been able to get a ride at the inn very quickly, and had not  been forced to linger in Meryton. But as long he was inclined to be complimentary, no one felt it necessary to argue the point, and he went on about the praiseworthy attributes of their hairstyles, faces and figures for quite some time.  </p>
<p>This made Mrs. Bennet a little happier with him. “My Jane is certainly the prettiest girl in all Hertfordshire, and Lydia is very handsome, and everybody says all the other girls turned out extremely well looking.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Madam, you have been blessed with five beautiful daughters, but seeing yourself, how could it be otherwise?”</p>
<p>Mrs. Bennet was ready to be his best friend now.</p>
<p>Miss Elizabeth interrupted the flow of compliments to ask whether there had been lots of other travellers. “It might be quite hard to manage proper social distancing in a crowded mail coach.”</p>
<p>“Oh no,” Mr. Collins said. “I am not at all concerned about social distancing. It is impossible for a man of the cloth, for our people need their spiritual advisors close and involved, especially in times of crisis.  As clergymen, we must bravely go and minister to the sick and the dying, and indeed, I was at someone’s deathbed just a few days before my departure. Once you have seen a desperate man coughing his lungs out, you cannot be afraid of mere travellers with luggage.”</p>
<p>“I cannot imagine that having seen a coughing man protects you from infection in any substantial manner,” Miss Elizabeth said.  </p>
<p>“In my line of work one cannot live based on fear.”</p>
<p>“What a tragic experience to attend someone’s deathbed,” Mrs. Bennet said.</p>
<p>“I trust I was able to comfort the family,” Mr. Collins said. “I held his hand and prayed, and he said he  would endeavour to get better soon so his family would not need to bother me again.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I thought he died,” Miss Lydia said. “Given that he was on his deathbed.”</p>
<p>“I am not sure if he is dead yet,” Mr. Collins answered, “but in time, none of us can escape death.”</p>
<p>“I just hope we can all escape our funerals until we are actually dead,” Mr. Bennet said.</p>
<p> Mr. Collins reassured him that he would never agree to bury a person who was still alive.</p>
<p>“Very wise, as they  might make a lot of noise in the coffin,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p>
<p>“My esteemed patroness, Lady Catherine DeBourgh expects me to be aware of every parishioner’s needs and affairs and report to her.”</p>
<p>“How kind  of her to stick her nose in everybody’s business,” Mr. Bennet said. “She must be a very interested lady.”</p>
<p>“She is the most involved,  the most condescending,  the most benevolent protector I could ever hope to have, and I am extremely grateful for the chance to be of service to her. Some people call her proud but I have personally never experienced anything but great kindness and wisdom from her. Twice I have been invited to dine at Rosings, her residence,  and once to complete a card party, and what a splendid building of perfect elegance that is. I have preached two sermons before Lady Catherine already, and she made several comments about them, and offered her help with the sermon writing in the future. ”</p>
<p>“Two sermons, and you are already travelling away from your parish! Do your patroness and your parishioners not miss you while you are here?” Miss Mary asked.</p>
<p>Mr. Collins explained that Lady Catherine had expressly told him that he could stay away as long as he liked, if he arranged for someone else to hold Sunday services. “Please, do not consider it at all, Mr. Collins, she said, you can travel as often as you wish, and stay as long as you like, she said. Have you ever experienced such generosity, such affability?”</p>
<p>The Bennets affirmed that they had not.</p>
<p>Mr. Collins had lamented that the parishioners would surely have to settle for shorter sermons if there was a temporary cleric, for such people would never speak for more than an hour, and most likely much less. But Lady Catherine had said that she was still digesting some of the things he had said the previous Sunday, and she had assured him that he had shared so much wisdom in his previous two sermons that it would easily tide everyone over the break.</p>
<p>“Certainly, sir,” Mr. Bennet said. “Of some delights, a little goes a long way.”</p>
<p>Mr. Collins solemnly related how gracious Lady Catherine had been when she visited the parsonage. She had inspected the house and exclaimed at the vision of his closets, thereafter recommending several improvements in the running of his household.  He should add more shelves, eat more frugally, plant some vegetables, save on candles, and get a wife. He explained that it had been Lady Catherine who suggested this journey to him originally, and everybody present was suddenly sure that they knew why he would not heed Mr. Bennet’s letter telling him not to travel.  If faced with the choice of disappointing his relatives and disappointing his patroness, Mr. Collins would probably always disappoint his relatives.</p>
<p>“Mr. Collins, you have to marry, and the sooner the better, she told me. You have to marry a  gentlewoman, she said, a gentlewoman who will set you to rights, and make sure that she is very sensible, of a very practical nature, and does not prattle inconsequential nonsense.”</p>
<p>“Of course, for who could bear listening to inconsequential nonsense,” Mr. Bennet said.</p>
<p>“Lady Catherine told me that I needed a level-headed woman to help me with the parish duties, and she would be happy to welcome her at Rosings if she could just supply rational conversation.”</p>
<p>Mr. Bennet remarked,  “If you are looking for a rational woman to marry I am not sure you have come to the right place, Mr. Collins.”</p>
<p>“Oh, but I am sure that any of my fair cousins...” Mr. Collins trailed away. He explained that he expected to be able to offer perfect domestic felicity, for Hunsford was a very comfortable house, the lack of shelves notwithstanding. He had a nice little garden, and Lady Catherine had told him how it should be tended to. He had thought about getting someone to do it, lest it take time away from writing his sermons, but Lady Catherine had impressed upon him the absolute necessity that he do it himself. “You can only be sure it is done the right way if you do it yourself, she said, and told me she would not mind if I borrowed the Sunday text from some published sermons if pressed for time.”</p>
<p>"How magnanimous of her," Mr. Bennet said.</p>
<p>"Gardening is certainly a useful occupation," Miss Elizabeth said.</p>
<p>“It would be a shame if your parishioners were deprived of your own insights,” Miss Mary said.</p>
<p>“Why, thank you, Miss Mary, I do enjoy preaching immensely.”</p>
<p>“We can tell,” Miss Catherine said.  </p>
<p>Returning to the topic of his marriage, Mr. Collins expected to be a very happy man. What with his proximity to Rosings, and to the great Lady Catherine DeBourgh, his future spouse would be able to move in very exalted circles. “Lady Catherine is always so kind, and so wise, and she knows everyone in Kent, and she is the daughter of an earl, and her daughter, Miss DeBourgh, is a very sophisticated young lady, very charming, very well behaved.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps you should marry Miss DeBourgh,” Miss Lydia said.</p>
<p>Mr. Collins exclaimed in dismay. Lady Catherine would never --- he should never --- Miss DeBourgh could never  ---</p>
<p>Miss Lydia was confused. “You seem to admire her a great deal.”</p>
<p>“I imagine she is very rich, very well dowered,” Miss Elizabeth explained, “and has other options.”</p>
<p>Mr. Collins was quick to agree. Of course he admired Miss DeBourgh, for who could not, but  Miss DeBourgh was extremely wealthy, the heir of Rosings, and Lady Catherine had certain plans for her future. With her fortune and her connections, Miss DeBourgh was sure to make a very advantageous match. But he hurried to explain that he would never hold the lack of a dowry or exalted connections against his future wife.</p>
<p>“It is very good of you not to hold a grudge against this hypothetical woman,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p>
<p>Mr. Collins assured everyone that he would never hold grudges, for it was the duty of a clergyman to be forgiving, and charitable, and he took his duties very seriously. He considered it his duty to offer an olive branch to his cousins, who would be in a very unfortunate situation, if a certain unwelcome event occurred. “But we should not speak of such sad affairs.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps you should not bring up topics that you do not wish to speak of,” said Mr. Bennet. “I can assure you that I have resigned myself to the inevitability of hearing people describe my death in vague terms several times every day, and it no longer bothers me in the least.”</p>
<p>“It is because you will not be homeless after you die,” Mrs. Bennet said. "The hedgerows!"</p>
<p>All the Bennets knew what she was referring to, but Mr. Collins was a little confused. "I have no hedgerows in my garden, but I have a lovely white picket fence."</p>
<p>"I wish you joy of it," Mrs. Bennet said.</p>
<p>“Of course it is my desire to avoid death for the time being,” Mr. Bennet said, “and that is partly why I thought the government recommendation of staying at home has a lot of merit, Mr. Collins. Travellers are always more susceptible to various ailments.”</p>
<p> “I understand your apprehension, but when we were ordained our bishop prayed that we would always wear the holy mantle of spiritual protection, and said whatever we ask in prayer, without a doubt in our hearts, will be done. I have prayed that I would be fine travelling, and so I know I will come to no harm.”</p>
<p>“One must congratulate you on the strength of your faith,” Mr. Bennet said.</p>
<p>“Lady Catherine told me there can be no danger for a strong, healthy young man.”</p>
<p>“Is she a doctor?” This was Miss Mary, who was astonished to see the strength of his faith in his patroness.</p>
<p>“Of course not, she is a gentlewoman and the daughter of an earl. She says  there are many earthly things one can do to protect oneself,” Mr. Collins continued. “Lady Catherine has graciously recommended some home remedies to me, and I have taken her advice gratefully. She has an especially wonderful concoction of honey, garlic, peppermint and other herbs that can be taken internally or be spread on the skin, and she says it is very effective in preventing respiratory infections.”</p>
<p>“Honey and garlic? What an interesting combination,” said Miss Catherine who then had another coughing fit. It seemed that Mr. Collins had applied the concoction quite liberally.</p>
<p>“Lady Catherine told me it works wonders, and she, as well as her daughter, have faithfully used that remedy for many years.”</p>
<p>“I am sure they are never ill,” Mrs. Bennet said.</p>
<p> “I can easily believe it works,” Mr. Bennet nodded. “The scent will certainly remind others to keep a  proper distance, so if anyone is sick they will not transfer the disease to you.”</p>
<p>“At first I thought the odour was quite strong but one gets used to it,” Mr. Collins said.</p>
<p>“I did not notice anything,” Miss Bennet said kindly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Concerns and Correspondence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which nothing happens at Netherfield</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>SUSPENDING PLEASURES</h3><h4>CHAPTER 4 - CONCERNS AND CORRESPONDENCE</h4><p>In times of crisis and concern, one always craves to hear from one’s friends and family, and the Netherfield party was no exception. Whenever one receives a letter it means that the mail system still works, despite all the unrest in the world,  so there is at least something one can trust in an uncertain world. In the normal course of events, getting a letter also indicates that the sender was alive to write it, which would make one happy unless it was from someone one would rather see dead. If a reply is expected, letters have also the added benefit of keeping one occupied for twenty minutes or more, so there is less time to fret.  </p><p>Mr. Hurst’s younger brother informed him that he had bought that horse he had long wanted, for a shockingly low price. The owner had not originally planned to sell but then he had died, quite unexpectedly, and it was out of his hands. The bereaved family practically gave the horse away. It was a really beautiful bay with a good pedigree, and Mr. Hurst heartily approved of the purchase.</p><p> “Have you seen the horse?” Mr. Bingley inquired.</p><p>“Yes, it is a lovely animal, and I am quite envious. What a tremendous stroke of luck for my brother,“ Mr. Hurst commented.</p><p>“Although not for the previous owner,” Mr. Darcy noted.</p><p>“To be sure, it is a great tragedy for a man to die before his horse,” Mr. Hurst said. “Particularly if it is such a fine beast.”  </p><p>"Do you know what he died of?" Mrs. Hurst asked.</p><p>"No, my brother only said he had been ill for a couple of days but no one thought he would die."</p><p>"How terrible to die so suddenly," Mrs. Hurst was shocked.</p><p>"Would you rather know the exact time that you are going to die beforehand?" Mr. Hurst asked.</p><p>"It would ruin the entire day," Mr. Bingley said.</p><p>"Probably the whole week," Mr. Darcy said.</p><p>"The last meal could be great though," Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>A Bingley cousin from Scarborough wrote to Mr. Bingley  that everyone in the family was healthy and hale but their shoe business was suffering because there were fewer people out and about making purchases.</p><p>“I think the business will pick up eventually. People will always need new shoes,” Mrs. Hurst said.</p><p>“The ladies will,” Mr. Hurst said. “I have had these shoes for seven years and would be sad to part from them.”</p><p>“Quality will last,” Mr. Darcy said.</p><p>“Oh yes, but they are a little out of the fashion,” Miss Bingley said.</p><p>“Fashion cares not for men’s shoes if men care not for fashion’s shoes,” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>“That probably sounded better in your head, darling,” Mrs. Hurst said.</p><p>“Everything sounds better in my head,” Mr. Hurst said cheerfully. “A marvellous place. Wish you could be there.”</p><p>“There would be a lot of room to be sure,” Mrs. Hurst said. Mr. Hurst blew her a kiss.  </p><p>Mr. Bingley laughed embarrassedly and returned to his correspondence, reading aloud more passages that described how all the relatives were doing. Little Walter must have grown at least two inches since Mr. Bingley saw him last, and Sarah had lost all her front teeth, and if only he could see her now. Margaret was drawing a portrait of her. She had a whole sketchbook full of familiar faces, and one could see she had improved quite a bit in the arts, as she had been practicing diligently.</p><p>“Oh, it has been so long since we saw them last.” Mrs. Hurst sighed wistfully. “I wish I was able to check out Margaret’s facebook.”</p><p>“I hope she can draw a picture of me one day,” Miss Bingley said.</p><p>Bingley read on. As for business, it was not all bad news from that front, as an uncle who sold wine and spirits was doing splendidly.</p><p>“Speaking of wine and spirits, what is the status of our cellars here?” Mr. Hurst asked. “Are we all set in the event that there is a quarantine, or should we go a-hoarding?”</p><p>“How many bottles do we need for a quarantine?” Mr. Bingley looked at Mr. Darcy for guidance.</p><p>“As an estate owner you would have to make those decisions so I shall leave that to yourself to determine,” Mr. Darcy said. “It is easy enough. You must first consider all the pertinent factors and then make a calculation.”</p><p>“Such as?”</p><p>“How long do you think the quarantine will last, how many people do you need to provide for, and how drunk do they want to be?”</p><p>“And whichever result you get, buy double for good measure,” Mr. Hurst said. “If the people stuck in the quarantine start to get on each other’s nerves, you would absolutely not want to run out of brandy.”  </p><p>Mrs. Hurst got a missive from great aunt Clara in London  who asked her whether she had heard of that terrible new disease,  and reminded her to keep her feet warm and to wear gloves at all times. It was not certain that getting chilled would cause the sickness but surely it could not help. Aunt Clara hoped they had had a tolerable carriage journey, although she knew that travelling was seldom pleasant. If Mrs. Hurst got ill she should consider drinking lots of willow bark tea, but preferably she should not get ill if she could help it.  The great aunt had a couple of friends who were ailing at the moment but whether it was that new dangerous disease  she could not be sure. It might be rheumatism, as they were prone to rheumatism. She hoped that Charles and Mr. Hurst were in good health, and of course Caroline as well. When were they planning to return,  and if Louisa could remember the name of that great ointment for the treatment of ingrown toenails, would she please share?</p><p>“Just asking for a friend, I am sure,” Mr. Bingley said.</p><p>“Why would you know anything about the treatment of ingrown toenails?” Miss Bingley asked.</p><p>“Well, you know Aunt Clara,” Mrs. Hurst said.</p><p>“Dear old Aunt Clara,” Mr. Bingley said.</p><p>“She gets ideas,” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>Not being familiar with Aunt Clara, Mr. Darcy could offer no opinion. “Hope everyone's toes are fine.”</p><p>Mrs. Hurst started penning a reply immediately. She thanked Aunt Clara for her well wishes and told her that the willow bark tea sounded like a wonderful idea. Truthfully, the carriage ride to Netherfield had been a little arduous as the weather had been cold and everyone had shivered. This was not a pleasant time of year to travel but Charles would insist, as he was looking forward to buying an estate, and Netherfield seemed like a great prospect. She had felt a little queasy in the carriage, and there was so much dust on the road that it made her cough, but she was fine now so there was no need for Aunt Clara to worry. The epidemic might keep them at Netherfield for a while. The toe nail ointment was Dr. Baker’s Miracle Balsam, and she had bought it from the apothecary in Scarborough. If Aunt Clara could not find it locally there might still be an unopened bottle in the Hurst townhouse that she could send for. Charles and Mr. Hurst were indeed quite healthy, and as for Caroline, she was her usual self. Louisa hoped to convey their best regards, and remained Clara’s devoted niece, etc.</p><p>Mrs. Hurst sealed her letter without sharing the contents with the present company.</p><p>“What news did you get, Mr. Darcy?” Miss Bingley was eyeing the letters that Mr. Darcy had received.</p><p>Mr. Darcy said that he had heard from his sister who wrote that she was staying at her aunt Matlock’s home with her companion. Colonel Fitzwilliam, her other guardian, had felt that she should not be alone during an epidemic, and had brought her to the Matlock townhouse. Lady Matlock was quite scared of the infection because a number of her friends had become ill, and they were not accepting visitors or visiting anyone at the moment. It was a quiet time but Georgiana was happy to have the company of the family members, and she was spending a lot of time learning an exceedingly difficult piece for the pianoforte. She was afraid that it was a little beyond her musical abilities but she was determined to practice.</p><p>“Dear Miss Darcy,” Miss Bingley said. “To be so accomplished, at such a young age! Please tell her that I wish her continued good health and long to see her --- although I suppose that pleasure must be suspended for an indeterminate time. She has such a neat, precise handwriting, and I am sure it is a sign of an organized mind.”</p><p>“She would thank you for the compliment, I am sure,” Mr. Darcy said, and shifted the letter so it was out of Miss Bingley’s line of sight.</p><p>Miss Bingley had paid more attention to what Darcy was reading than her own correspondence, but when she finally got around to opening her letter she exclaimed in dismay. It had been forwarded from their town address. It was from her modiste who reminded her of what she owed and respectfully asked for payment as soon as possible, as they had agreed that it would have been paid two months previously. As there was no doubt Miss Bingley had every intention to settle her accounts, it was suspected that the previous bill  may have been lost in the mail, but in case she was unable to pay the whole of it immediately, a partial contribution would be appreciated as well. Miss Bingley was a valued customer, and her business would be most welcome, also in the future. Supposing the delay to be due to a misdirected bill, when this letter reached her perhaps Miss Bingley would be so kind as to furnish her current address. </p><p>“I do not know why I deal with that woman. I am certain I told her that I would pay in the next quarter. Can you lend me some money, Louisa?”</p><p>“You might consider suspending the pleasure of buying things until such time that you have received the funds for them,” Mrs. Hurst said.</p><p>“Oh Caroline,” Mr. Bingley sighed. “Have you overspent your allowance again?”</p><p>“My dear Charles, some day soon you will have to lose your damnable naivete,” Mr. Hurst said. “It is time for you to accept the facts of life: Caroline will always overspend her allowance.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5 - Gone A-Hoarding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which everyone wants candles</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>SUSPENDING PLEASURES</h3>
<h4>CHAPTER 5 - GONE A-HOARDING</h4>
<p>London was not on a different continent but it was far enough from the Bennets’ daily lives that the news of the contagion spreading in the capital had seemed rather distant at first.  This changed when everyone  heard that Mrs. Long was dreadfully ill.  Even though the apothecary could not be sure if Mrs. Long had the strange new  disease or some garden variety sickness that might kill a person just as effectively, she was doing poorly either way, and the epidemic suddenly seemed a more immediate threat.</p>
<p>It was very distressing for Mrs. Bennet who had  images of funerals flashing through her anxious mind. Mrs. Long had always been kind to her.  What would  Mrs. Long’s poor nieces do if she died?  Could someone else catch her disease? What if Mr. Bennet were to fall ill? How would it feel like to live in the shrubbery?</p>
<p>It was a bleak situation fraught with dangers, but things are never so bad that they could not be made worse  by running out of food.  Fortunately Mrs. Bennet could not spend all her time worrying about death and disasters because she also had to worry about dinners.   If diseases started running rampant and they were quarantined, they might  be stuck in the house for who knows how long, and would need nourishment. Even if there was no quarantine products might be in short supply if lots of farmers, tradesmen and servants got ill. Furthermore, their recently arrived guest Mr. Collins had turned out to be a proficient eater of meals, and there did not seem to  be any way to be rid of him soon.  Nobody thought of her nerves, absolutely nobody.   </p>
<p>Mrs. Bennet got Mrs. Hill to inventory the pantry and together they found it imperative to replenish the stocks of various things. Food was not the only thing they needed. Did they have enough candles? Tea? Firewood? Mr. Bennet would want more writing supplies, he always wanted more writing supplies. One could get a lot of sewing done in a quarantine, so they needed some fabric and thread too, and yarn for knitting.</p>
<p>The servants could not be spared because they were needed at the house, and  if Hill got ill, however would they manage? Mrs. Bennet sent the girls to Meryton to buy things and place orders for other things.</p>
<p>“This list is a mile long,” Miss Lydia complained. “How do we get all this home?”</p>
<p>“I should come with the cart,” Mr. Bennet said.</p>
<p>“No, you should not,” said Mrs. Bennet sternly. “It is dangerous. What if you got sick? How would we quarantine ourselves in the hedgerows?”</p>
<p>“Perhaps I would survive.”</p>
<p>“Yes, and perhaps homelessness would build character. Let Mr. Collins take the cart.”</p>
<p>Mr. Collins did not take offence for being considered expendable. He was ready and willing to brave the dangers of Meryton with the girls.  “Madam, I thank you for your graciousness in asking me to accompany my fair cousins. It is an honour to be their escort on this necessary outing, and if I can make myself useful I am twice as lucky.”</p>
<p>“Most people would call shopping a chore, but you call it an honour,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p>
<p>“Although I was called into a spiritual occupation I am no stranger to more worldly pursuits and I do not mind shopping at all.  Truly I consider myself extremely lucky to have the extraordinary pleasure of your company.”</p>
<p>“You must have lived a lonely life,” Mr. Bennet said. </p>
<p>Mr. Collins attempted to deny this claim and said that on the contrary, his life had been quite fulfilling. Then he meandered into describing the joys he had experienced in the company  at Rosings in some more detail, but this argument was not altogether convincing.  It was felt that people who had had  tea with an autocratic widow twice and found it such a high point in their social lives probably lacked friends.</p>
<p>Mrs. Bennet shooed them on their way. “Go, and do not speak to anyone who looks sick.”</p>
<p>Miss Bennet did not feel like walking so she got a seat in the cart with Mr. Collins. The rest of the girls walked  to Meryton. They bought salt, flour, tea, some dried fruit, sugar, onions, carrots, three kinds of jam, various pickled items, cabbages and bacon. They purchased honey, garlic, peppermint and other herbs.  The shopkeeper said apologetically that they had run out of the good candles, but the girls got some of the cheaper ones made with tallow.</p>
<p>They did not meet anyone who looked sick but they saw  Mrs. Goulding  who hurriedly turned into a side street  when she noticed them.  A couple of neighbours stopped to ask them if they knew how Mrs. Long was or to say that it was a terrible affair.  Mr. Purvis walked past very fast and looked away, as if scared that he might get ill from eye contact.  Miss Maria Lucas was on her way home and said she too had been trying to buy candles.  </p>
<p>They visited the apothecary shop and asked for recommendations. Mr. Jones was not there but his wife  recommended lavender.  She said that the science on the subject was lacking but that Mr. Jones was convinced that the scent of lavender could protect from infections. Although he and his wife took care of many sick individuals they had not even had a cold for many years, and Mr. Jones credited that to the beneficial effects of lavender.  The apothecary’s advice had often been useful  for the Bennets so they bought  several bars of lavender soap.  </p>
<p>“The lavender scent is not very strong in this,” Miss Bennet said. “I hope this works.”</p>
<p>“It is worth a try, and we need soap in any case,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p>
<p>“It is not hoarding if we need it,” Miss Mary said.</p>
<p>Miss Lydia spotted one of the officers  on the street,  in the company of another young man. He was introduced as Mr. Wickham, and they learned that he was to join the militia.</p>
<p>“I hate to suspend that pleasure but unfortunately we cannot stay to chat,” Denny said. “We have just arrived from London, and I have been instructed that we should go straight to our quarters and avoid people for at least a week until it can be determined that we did not catch a fever in London.”</p>
<p>“I forbid you to get sick,” Miss Lydia said. “You would miss the ball.”</p>
<p> “I think this is much ado about nothing,” Mr. Wickham said. “We are young and strong, and I do not know anyone who is sick.  I am sure we will be fine.”</p>
<p>“We certainly hope so,” Miss Catherine said.</p>
<p>Mr. Collins promised to pray for their continued good health,  and Mr. Denny and Mr. Wickham went on their way. All the girls agreed that Mr. Wickham had seemed very pleasant and as he was  thoughtful enough  to  be very handsome they were looking forward to his acquaintance.</p>
<p>“It is quite a waste to keep him quarantined,” Miss Lydia complained.</p>
<p>“Probably  he will be just as handsome after he comes out of it,” Miss Catherine said, and it was a comforting thought.</p>
<p>“He will be more handsome in a red coat,” Miss Lydia said.</p>
<p>“But handsome is as handsome does,” Miss Mary noted.</p>
<p>“That is what Lady Catherine always says too.”</p>
<p>“When she is not saying  any of the other things that she always says,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p>
<p>They made another detour into a different shop, and after buying  some muslin and ribbons they were hailed by a friendly voice.  </p>
<p>“Well, hello, Miss Bennet,” Mr. Bingley said.</p>
<p>“Miss Elizabeth,” Mr. Darcy said.</p>
<p>“Ladies,” Mr. Hurst said. “What is the collective noun for a group of Miss Bennets?”</p>
<p>“A surfeit, I think,” Miss Elizabeth guessed.</p>
<p>“Are you quite recovered, Miss Bennet?” Mr. Bingley asked.</p>
<p>“Yes, I am well enough to be out and about, as you can see.”</p>
<p> “Have you been shopping?”  Mr. Bingley inquired.</p>
<p>Mr. Hurst laughed. “These ladies just came out of a shop carrying several boxes and bags. You better hope they were shopping and not robbing poor tradesmen blind.”</p>
<p>“Oh, we were the ones who got robbed I think,” Miss Elizabeth said. “Everything costs more than it did two weeks ago.”</p>
<p>“These are uncertain times, and it seems many people are hoarding supplies,” Mr. Darcy said.</p>
<p>“Yes, absolutely,” Miss Bennet agreed. “Just like us.  We bought some soap and  cabbages.”</p>
<p>“And ribbons,” said Miss Elizabeth. “Ribbons are an essential quarantine item, are they not?”   </p>
<p>Mr. Hurst slapped his forehead. “I knew we forgot something!”</p>
<p>“Have you found everything you need?” Mr. Darcy asked.</p>
<p>“We did not get the good candles but I am sure of at least one thing,” Miss Elizabeth said. “Trees may fall and the mountains may crumble but no matter what happens,  Longbourn will never run out of salt again.”</p>
<p>“Bingley here has a lease for one year but more candles than he can use in a dozen,” Mr. Hurst said. “Caroline sent the housekeeper shopping.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps you can stay for longer than a year then,” Miss Bennet said and smiled at Mr. Bingley.</p>
<p>“I would like that,” he said and smiled back. It did not make a huge difference in his countenance as he usually had a smiling aspect; it was more a matter of directing smiles.</p>
<p>Mr. Collins started coughing, and was introduced to the newcomers. Mr. Darcy’s name caught his attention.</p>
<p>“Mr. Darcy of Derbyshire? My esteemed patroness, Lady Catherine DeBourgh has a nephew of that name.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I am one and the same,” Mr. Darcy said.</p>
<p>“What a lucky coincidence to have met you here.” Once more, Mr. Collins related the infinite gratitude that he felt having benefited from Lady Catherine’s kindness and condescension, using  many words, as was his wont.</p>
<p>“How fortunate that you enjoy my aunt’s attention,” Mr. Darcy said.</p>
<p>“Her attentiveness is unrivalled,” Mr. Collins said. “I cannot imagine anyone could take more interest in the minutest concerns of everyone in her circle.”</p>
<p>“No doubt you are correct,” Mr. Darcy said drily.</p>
<p>“Her daughter is a credit to her upbringing. She is truly a jewel of the first stare, and you may count yourself  a fortunate man.”</p>
<p>“Oh, why is that?”</p>
<p>“I mean that you have found the finest woman in all England to be your intended, and I congratulate you for your betrothal.”</p>
<p> “What?” Mr. Darcy seemed startled and shot a look at Miss Elizabeth. “I am not betrothed.”</p>
<p>“But you are.  Lady Catherine has told me that you and Miss DeBourgh have always been destined to marry each other.”</p>
<p>“Will you allow me to know whether I am getting married or not?”</p>
<p>Mr. Hurst laughed. “Sometimes the gentleman is the last to know.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6 - Very Important Estate Business</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Bingley handles very important estate matters</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>SUSPENDING PLEASURES</h3><h4>CHAPTER 6 - VERY IMPORTANT ESTATE MATTERS</h4><p>Mrs. Hurst may have speculated that the Netherfield gentlemen got out of the house early the next morning to escape Miss Bingley’s attentions, but this author prefers to deal with facts instead of suppositions. Suffice it to know that Mr. Bingley told his sisters that they needed to leave very early on very important estate business, and Miss Bingley had to eat her breakfast alone, as Mrs. Hurst said that she was not hungry that morning and would just take a cup of tea in her room.</p><p>Mr. Hurst did not always accompany Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy on their inspections of the estate but the previous evening Mr. Bingley had spoken of the estate business he needed to attend to vaguely enough that Mr. Hurst’s curiosity was roused. “If Charles Bingley acts like such a man of mystery about it, I have to see it, whatever it is.”</p><p>It turned out that Mr. Bingley wanted to ride towards Oakham Mount. There was a convenient riding path,  and the view from the top was reportedly one of the most picturesque in all of Hertfordshire. Despite the early hour, the gentlemen found that the hill was already populated. There were two figures on foot observing the view. The men dismounted, left the horses to graze, and approached them.</p><p>“Well, well, good morning, Miss Bennet!” said Mr. Bingley.</p><p>“Good morning to you,” said Miss Bennet, blushing.</p><p>“Miss Elizabeth,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“Well met, ladies,” said Mr. Hurst. “We are here on very important estate business.”</p><p>“The plot thickens,” said Miss Elizabeth Bennet. “Incidentally, Oakham Mount is not part of the Netherfield estate.” </p><p>"No but you can see the house there," said Miss Bennet.</p><p>“Fancy meeting you here,” said Mr. Bingley.</p><p>“This is a complete coincidence I am sure,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“It is a small world,” said Mr. Bingley.</p><p>“It is so difficult to practice social distancing these days,” said Miss Elizabeth. “One attempts to exercise on a remote hill at the crack of dawn, and it is already a dreadful crush.”</p><p> “You are out very early,” said Mr. Bingley.</p><p>“So are you,” said Miss Bennet. “Early to bed, early to rise.”</p><p>“Healthy and wealthy and wise,” responded Mr. Bingley, demonstrating his superior education.</p><p>"The weather is so fine it is a pleasure to be out," Miss Bennet said.</p><p>"Yes, we are lucky it does not rain," said Mr. Bingley. "We would all look like drowned rats."</p><p>"Speak for yourself, Bingley," said Mr. Hurst. "I would certainly have the good sense to stay inside if it was a rainy morning."</p><p>"Oh yes, but it is not a rainy morning though," said Mr. Bingley.</p><p>“It is good to get into the habit of pointing out the obvious very early in the day,” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>“Yes, if it gets more hectic as the day progresses one never knows when one gets the chance again,” said Miss Elizabeth.</p><p>“Very true,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>Once the polite inanities had been exhausted there was a moment of silence while everyone attempted to get fascinated with the landscape. Granted, it was extremely beautiful, the sky was clear and one could see for miles. But curiosity is a particular defect of human nature that can seriously interfere with aesthetic appreciation, and at least Mr. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth were quite grateful when Mr. Hurst finally cracked and grabbed the bull by the metaphorical horns.</p><p>“However did you manage to arrange this assignation?” Mr. Hurst asked.</p><p>“This is not an assignation,” Miss Bennet said, blushing some more.</p><p>“This is quite an accidental meeting, I promise you,” Mr. Bingley said.</p><p>“Let the record reflect that I did not address either of you specifically, but you both responded with prompt denials, although there are other people present that I might have been thinking of.”</p><p>“Oh, but Mr. Darcy would never plot any meetings with Lizzy,” Miss Bennet said.</p><p>“Would he not,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“Of course not,” said Miss Elizabeth. “Now, Jane, the truth please.”  </p><p>Neither Mr. Bingley nor Miss Bennet were made of stern stuff so eventually it came out that when they met on their Meryton shopping trip, Mr. Bingley had happened to ask Miss Bennet – completely in passing, one must understand – about the most scenic trails in the neighbourhood, and Miss Bennet had told him that the view from Oakham Mount was quite breathtaking early in the mornings, and it was an entirely, completely, totally unexpected coincidence that they both wanted to observe the scenery this particular morning.</p><p>Miss Bennet offered to show Mr. Bingley a good vantage point and they walked a little apart from the others so their conversation could not be heard. They kept a respectful social distance of several yards and were perfectly visible to everyone else so Miss Elizabeth thought Jane to be adequately chaperoned.</p><p>“Did you know that your sister and Bingley had planned this?” Mr. Hurst asked.</p><p>“No, I knew that something was probably going on because she was so insistent on coming here, but I think she was not sure if Mr. Bingley would come.”</p><p>“Bingley was a bit skittish on the way here too,” said Mr. Hurst.</p><p>“Do you often walk so early? Does your mother know that you are out?” Mr. Darcy inquired.</p><p>“Oh yes, she quite despairs that I will insist on rambling outside at all manner of ungodly hours,” Miss Elizabeth said. “My sisters like to get a later start so usually if it is dawn I have to come here alone.”</p><p>“All alone?”</p><p>“Alas, I have shocked Mr. Darcy again. Yes, all alone. As you know I have few other accomplishments, but let no one say that I am unable to walk without assistance.”</p><p>“Walking is certainly a useful skill to have.”</p><p> “But as you can see Jane is with me now so our mother can be sure that all the proprieties were observed and I did not climb any trees or muddy my petticoats in ditches.”</p><p>“Ah, you climb trees?” Mr. Hurst said. “How resourceful of you.”</p><p>“In a word, no,” Miss Elizabeth said. “I would love to but once you have attempted to climb a tree in a long skirt you will know why it is not such a practical idea.”</p><p>“Sadly I have not attempted to climb a tree in any attire in years now,” Mr. Hurst said. “But I used to be a champion in my youth. Maybe I should start practicing.”</p><p>“I had not taken you for an outdoorsman,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p><p>“London makes one lazier,” Mr. Hurst said. “But I think I need to exercise more.  My wife keeps telling me that I am getting too fat and I am afraid that she is right.  I have been so tired recently. I could have slept for a couple of weeks straight after we travelled to Hertfordshire.”</p><p>“It seems to me that you did,” Mr. Darcy noted.</p><p>“I hope I did not snore,” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>“Indeed, while Jane and I were staying at Netherfield, you presented a very peaceful aspect,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p><p>“So you are saying I did snore.”</p><p>All three were silent for a while, watching the dance of colours in the horizon.  The sky changed from one moment to the next. Mr. Bingley and Jane were speaking animatedly but inaudibly.</p><p>“It seems to me that Mr. Bingley is not looking at the view,” Miss Elizabeth said. “Should I worry about Jane?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Mr. Darcy asked.</p><p>“Is he a good man?”</p><p>“Well, he is one of my dearest friends,” Mr. Darcy said.</p><p>“Yes, but for all I know  you could be friends with lots of absolute scoundrels,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p><p>“Well, I did have a boyhood friend who turned out to be a cad,” Mr. Darcy said.</p><p>“First impressions can be deceiving,” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>“As well as second and third impressions,” Mr. Darcy mused. “It took me several years to realize how bad he was.”</p><p>“So you are a slow learner,” Miss Elizabeth said. “How long have you known Mr. Bingley?”</p><p>“These five or six years.”</p><p>“And what was your first impression of him?”</p><p>“Cheerful, friendly, talkative, a little insecure of himself. But he was younger then.”</p><p>“We were all younger five years ago,” Mr. Hurst said, “and Bingley is still insecure of himself.”</p><p>“He does seem to rely on Mr. Darcy’s opinions a great deal.”</p><p>“That is your first impression of him, Miss Elizabeth?”</p><p>“No, that was the second impression I think. My first impression was that he is mostly harmless.”</p><p>“Mostly?” Mr. Hurst inquired.  </p><p>Miss Elizabeth pursed her lips. “I should not have said that.”</p><p>“What harm do you perceive in Bingley?” Mr. Darcy asked.</p><p>“I would rather not say.”</p><p>“Whenever you say such things, you must know people cannot rest until they have forced the truth out of you, so you may as well save time and tell us now.” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>“Well, it seems to me that he might occasionally hurt people thoughtlessly. He says things without thinking, and he said he was prone to impulsive decisions like quitting a place without warning, and I am afraid that it does not leave much room for the consideration of how his decisions affect other people. If he makes Jane fall in love with him and then just decides to run away...” Miss Elizabeth trailed off.</p><p>“Well, he is stuck here for the time being as all frivolous travelling has been forbidden,” Mr. Hurst said practically. “I think running away from a fair maiden would count as frivolous.”</p><p>“I do not know if it is a comfort but it certainly seems that your sister’s feelings are starting to matter to him,” Mr. Darcy offered. “Bingley has a decision to make about whether to cancel the ball, and I do not think he has been able to reach a conclusion without consulting your sister’s opinion.” </p><p>“He has been in two minds depending on whoever spoke to him last,” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>“And what is everybody telling him?” Miss Elizabeth asked.</p><p>“Caroline wants to have the ball as planned because she has gone to some trouble with the preparations. Louisa thinks we should cancel because she does not want the house filled with potential disease carriers.”</p><p>“And you?”</p><p>“I do not know much about the risk of infectious diseases but I hope if it is cancelled it is not cancelled until the last moment.  It keeps Caroline occupied.”</p><p>“Oh yes, I suppose Miss Bingley has far fewer amusements than what she is used to.”</p><p>“It will not hurt her.”</p><p>Mr. Bingley and Miss Bennet were now standing a lot closer than the officials recommended. If we have learned anything about this unfortunate epidemic it is that guidelines and advice are not worth much unless they are being followed, and this author must regretfully report that no one standing on Oakham Mount that morning did anything to enforce the rules.  </p><p>“Does Mr. Bingley ever make up his own mind about anything?”</p><p>Mr. Hurst gave the question some thought. “Well, he likes stuffed olives although both his sisters hate them.”</p><p>“The decision about the ball has been hard for him to make,” Mr. Darcy said. “There is so little information about the contagion, and he does not want to offend any of the neighbours, but of course he also does not want anybody to fall ill because there was a party at Netherfield.”</p><p>“I do not have to ask what you think about cancelling the ball,” Miss Elizabeth said, smiling sweetly. “No doubt you would do anything and say anything in order to avoid dancing.”</p><p>“Why do you say that?” Mr. Darcy asked. “I do enjoy dancing with the right kind of partner.”</p><p>“Oh,  just not me then? Very well.”</p><p>Mr. Darcy seemed a little distressed at the direction the conversation had taken. “Miss Elizabeth, you must know that I have been happily looking forward to dancing with you, and if we have to cancel the ball for health reasons I will be sad to suspend that pleasure and hope to have another opportunity soon.”</p><p>“For shame, Mr. Darcy,” Miss Elizabeth laughed. “I thought you were a honest man but you are doing it much too brown, and I cannot believe a word you say from now on.”</p><p>“Why not? I promise you that I am in earnest.”</p><p>“Sir, we have established that your good opinion once lost is lost forever, and I was efficient enough to lose your good opinion even before we were first introduced.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Miss Elizabeth affected a haughty pose, an exaggerated look of disdain on her face, and a contemptuous baritone. “Stop bothering me, Bingley, you know I hate to dance with people who are beneath me in every way.  She is tolerable but not pretty enough to tempt me, and I am not in the mood to be seen with women that no other man wants to dance with either.”</p><p>“You heard that?”</p><p>“You were standing right next to me. Of course I heard you.”</p><p>“Are you crazy? You said that to Miss Elizabeth? In her hearing?” Mr. Hurst was appalled. </p><p>“Perhaps it was not a verbatim rendition but words of a similar effect,” Mr. Darcy said. “It was not my finest hour.”</p><p>“Good God, Darcy, it is no wonder that you are still single.”</p><p>Miss Elizabeth laughed.</p><p>“And these two fools did not apologize?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Miss Elizabeth, I am heartily sorry for being acquainted with those oafs,” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>“I do not even know how to begin to apologize, Miss Elizabeth. You must know those words are pure falsehood, and I would have been honoured to make your acquaintance that evening.”</p><p>“I might have expected Mr. Bingley to apologize when we became better acquainted, as he did not intend to wound, but I assure you, Mr. Darcy, that I do not require an apology from you. “</p><p>“That means the lady thinks you are a hopeless ogre, Darcy,” Mr. Hurst explained helpfully. “I am sorry to inform you but whether we have the ball or not, I do not think that she will dance with you.”</p><p>“In fact, I promised my mother after the assembly that I never would.”</p><p>“She knows what I said?” asked Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“If you slight people in public, you cannot expect confidentiality,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p><p>“Is it common knowledge?”</p><p>“I may have shared a laugh with a few people.”</p><p>“I see that I have quite a disastrous first impression to overcome but I hope your good opinion is not irretrievably lost and I can try to make it up to you.”</p><p>“Well, I do find that some people improve on further acquaintance,” Miss Elizabeth said. “It remains to be seen.”</p><p>“Miss Elizabeth, you have to understand that Darcy starts new acquaintances at a decided disadvantage. At first glance, he will often look like a rude fiend because he lacks manners,” Mr. Hurst said. “But I truly hope that you give him a chance, because the second and third impressions of him might be much worse.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7 - Downhill From Here</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which they return to Longbourn and absolutely nothing happens on the way</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>SUSPENDING PLEASURES</h3>
<h4>CHAPTER 7 - DOWNHILL FROM HERE</h4><p>Apparently Miss Bennet was too tired to walk back home, and Mr. Bingley was quick to offer his company and the use of his horse. This was accepted with alacrity, and even if anyone was inclined to argue nobody reacted fast enough before the pair was on their way and out of hearing distance. Miss Elizabeth assured Mr. Hurst and Mr. Darcy that she was well able to make her way home on her own and required no escort, but Mr. Darcy would not agree.</p><p>“Between you and me, Miss Elizabeth,” Mr. Hurst said, “I would wager that Darcy is feeling some pressure to demonstrate that he can act like a gentleman if the mood strikes him. Escorting you home seems like a great elementary exercise to start from. As you require no actual assistance it requires no actual skill, and even a clod like Darcy may be able to manage it easily.” </p><p>“And Longbourn is downhill from here so gravity will help lessen the required effort,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p><p>“Exactly. So do us all a favour and let the poor boy practice, he was raised by wolves and he needs it.”</p><p>“Very well. I will try to treat him like a gentleman and see if he can handle the pressure.”</p><p>“You know I can hear you,” Mr. Darcy said.</p><p> “Ah, now you object to making negative remarks in the subject’s hearing,” Mr. Hurst said. “Excellent, we have progress.”</p><p>“I deserved that,” Mr. Darcy said apologetically. “Do your worst.”</p><p>They walked silently along the path for some time and Miss Elizabeth was reminded of the awkward time that she had spent in Mr. Darcy’s company at the Netherfield library, speaking nothing. She decided that the worst thing that she could do to Mr. Darcy would be to force him to talk.</p><p>“Mr. Darcy, we must have some conversation so it is your turn to pick a topic and say something now.”</p><p>“Very well, whatever you wish me to say will be said.”</p><p>“Oh, no, Darcy, that will never do,” said Mr. Hurst. “The lady asked you to pick a topic. Promising to say whatever she wants is a surrender, not a topic.”  </p><p>“Having to talk to me is quite the torture for Mr. Darcy,” Miss Elizabeth said. “He once sat with me for half an hour without saying a word. I have never been so studiously and diligently ignored before, so I was quite impressed.”</p><p>“In a logical world, you two would deal with each other prodigiously well,” said Mr. Hurst. “You are both the kind of strange and unnatural people who prefer reading to cards.”</p><p>“For vastly different reasons, I imagine,” said Miss Elizabeth. “I am too poor to lose my pin money at the card table, and Mr. Darcy likes books because they do not expect a courteous response.”</p><p>“You truly think that I am an incorrigible ogre, incapable of basic civility,” said Mr. Darcy ruefully.</p><p>“Not at all, Mr. Darcy,” said Miss Elizabeth kindly. “No doubt that you are perfectly able to converse politely whenever you deem the company to be worth the trouble.”</p><p>Mr. Darcy seemed much struck by this thought.</p><p>“But let me give you a bit of advice, in case you should ever be forced to mingle with a ragtag band of unwashed peasants again,” she continued. “If you stalk the edges of the room, scowl at potted plants and refuse to talk to anybody, you might worry about being taken for a rude, conceited buffoon. But I am telling you that this is by far the best strategy for you to choose in such a situation.”</p><p>“I feel like I probably should not ask why,” said Mr. Darcy. “But why?”</p><p>“Because if you open your mouth there can no longer be any doubt.”</p><p>Mr. Hurst laughed so hard he almost choked.  </p><p>“Touché,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>Mr. Hurst’s horse got concerned and nudged him gently until he was able to regain his composure.</p><p>“My goodness, Darcy, look at this worthy lady! She is smart as well as funny, and brave enough to take you down a peg. I have complete faith in you that you are able to say some more stupid things to further ruin this promising friendship.”</p><p>“Our acquaintance started at such a high point,” said Miss Elizabeth, “that there is nowhere for it to go but downhill.” </p><p>“Hopefully we have all learned something from this,” said Mr. Hurst. “I am going to try to avoid calling people tolerable, because it is either an insult, or a falsehood.”</p><p>“Which one was it in my case?” Miss Elizabeth inquired curiously.</p><p>“Had I known what a perfect treasure you are, I could not have suspended the pleasure of conversing with you, and I would have begged for an immediate introduction,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>She stopped suddenly. “Who are you and what have you done with poor Mr. Darcy? I am familiar with his  stringent standards for female perfection and he knows quite well that I fail in every respect.”</p><p> “Oh, if you are referring to that conversation about accomplished ladies, you must know that it was mostly Caroline trying to recommend herself,” Mr. Hurst said. “Pardon me for being indelicate but she has been setting her cap for Darcy forever and cannot see that he does not care two figs about her. It is high time for you to do something about it, Darcy.” </p><p>“Erm, well, she is Bingley’s sister,” Mr. Darcy said. “One does not want to offend.”</p><p>“Except when one does,” said Miss Elizabeth pointedly.</p><p>Mr. Darcy sighed. “To my great regret, I have learned that I am an irredeemable dolt.”</p><p>“There is no need to paint the situation so bleakly,  Mr. Darcy,” Miss Elizabeth said. “I am quite convinced that if you meet a woman worth pleasing you are in no danger of offending her, at least not before you have been introduced.”</p><p>“I would not be so sure,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>There was another long silence. Awkward truths are usually safe in small doses but when used excessively, they may cause some discomfort.</p><p>“It seems to me that this conversation must be in want of a  topic,” Mr. Hurst said. “May I suggest exotic animals? Everyone loves exotic animals.”</p><p>“I could talk about elephants and giraffes all day but do not ask me about pandas. I do not know anything about them,” said Miss Elizabeth.</p><p>“I hear that hyenas are a menace,” said Mr. Hurst.</p><p>“Of course, and reportedly lions are quite ferocious,” said Miss Elizabeth.</p><p>“Yes but they have better hair than I do,” said Mr. Hurst.</p><p>It was rather obvious that Mr. Darcy struggled to add anything to this discussion. Perhaps he had something else on his mind, or maybe he was not an animal lover.  Fortunately his input was not essential as it took some time for his companions to run out of wildlife commentary. Miss Elizabeth wanted to see flamingos because they were pretty. Mr. Hurst would rather see an ostrich, because he had heard that they would hide by sticking their heads in the sand.</p><p>“Oh but you would not be able to see it then.”</p><p>“The tigers are rather unsociable I hear. They like to hunt alone,” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p> “Some people I know are quite like turtles,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p><p>“I know exactly what you mean,” Mr. Hurst said. “They hide behind their shell and never make a noise, and if you upset their balance they have a hard time getting back on their feet again.”</p><p>This time the silence lasted long enough that the quiet Mr. Darcy felt compelled to break it, or possibly he just wanted to change the topic before someone criticized his own social ineptitude again.  “Do you...”  </p><p>He made several false starts and began to say things that he never finished. Finally he managed to complete a sentence. “And your family – is your family in good health?”</p><p>Halting though this conversation opener was, it was normal enough that Miss Elizabeth thought it should be rewarded with a civil answer.</p><p>“Yes, they are in excellent health.”</p><p>“I am happy to hear it.” There was a pause. “How are they dealing with the epidemic?”</p><p>“Everyone in their own way,” said Miss Elizabeth. “My father would read books about the disease, if he could get his hands on any. He jests about the impending doom, and my mother is worried that he might get sick, as she has been anxious about his health ever since his heart trouble.”</p><p>“Maybe she is right to worry, as I remember reading that the doctors think people with previous illnesses are more at risk,” said Mr. Darcy. “I did not know that your father is ill.”</p><p>“He is fine enough now but we were quite scared a few years ago.”</p><p>“And your sisters? How are your sisters handling this?”</p><p>“Jane is her usual serene self but I think  she has other things to divert her thoughts from the doom and gloom. Mary seems to be under some strain, she can talk about nothing else but death and disease, and I am a little concerned for her. Kitty and Lydia are mostly worried that the Netherfield ball might get cancelled.”</p><p>“I think it probably will be.”</p><p>“Mr. Collins will be so disappointed. He has solicited dances with all of us, and assures us that it is the greatest joy of his life to be dancing with his fair cousins.”</p><p>“What does he think of the disease? He took quite a risk travelling at such a time.”</p><p>“He says that he is protected by prayer and by the home remedies of his patroness that reportedly work wonders to prevent infection.”</p><p>“My aunt?”</p><p>“Yes, she has advised him to use a mixture of honey and herbs, both internally and externally.”</p><p>“The famous garlic liniment?” Mr. Darcy grimaced. “She made me use it as a child, and it was perfectly vile.”</p><p>“Did it work?”</p><p>“Lady Catherine might be the last person in the world that I would take disease prevention advice from. She and my cousin Anne have used plenty of remedies for as long as I can remember, and they seem to catch  colds whenever someone sneezes in the next county.”</p><p>“Please do not tell that to Mr. Collins, as he would be dreadfully upset. He is putting a lot of faith in Lady Catherine’s concoctions. He is quite impressed by your aunt.”</p><p>“I will try to be discreet.”</p><p>“Is she as formidable as Mr. Collins makes her out to be?”</p><p>“She is quite a character, to be sure, with lots of opinions.”</p><p>“I have seen her and her daughter once at Darcy’s townhouse,” said Mr. Hurst. “I think Darcy learned to be such a quiet, sulky fellow because his aunt would never let anyone else get a word in edgewise.”</p><p>“Goodness,” said Miss Elizabeth, amused. “I wonder how Mr. Collins gets along with her, as he is quite wordy.”</p><p>“Excessively verbose?” asked Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“Shall we say long-winded,” said Miss Elizabeth.  “Besides his faith in the foul smelling cold remedy, he has shared a great many opinions using a great many words. But most of the opinions seem to belong to your aunt so he must have listened to her at some point.”</p><p>“Well, if you believe in one silly thing it gets easier to believe in other silly things,” said Mr. Hurst. “This is the gentleman who thought Darcy is going to marry his cousin, after all.”</p><p>“Oh, was it never an option?” asked Miss Elizabeth.  </p><p> “No,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“I have never seen two people in the same room who have less to say for themselves,” said Mr. Hurst. “They could never wed because everyone who had gathered to witness their union would die of old age waiting that they both got around to saying the words I do.”</p><p>“My cousin and I would not suit,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“If you have nothing to say to each other, she sounds like a perfect match for you. I foresee the two of you  spending many happy evenings in the Pemberley library, not talking in a very committed fashion.”</p><p>“I think the silence might get deafening,” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>“It is a fine line that one must tread with you, Miss Elizabeth,” Mr. Darcy said. “It will not do to say too little for then one is deemed too quiet and unsociable, and if one says too much one is thought a long winded bore.”</p><p>Miss Elizabeth considered this thought for a moment. “That makes great sense, Mr. Darcy, but I dare say sometimes the problem is not the number of words per se but the content. At the assembly, you could have said no words at all, and I might have described you as aloof and taciturn but it would not have mortified me.”</p><p>“And what if I said plenty of words?”</p><p>“You could have spoken thousands of words that would not have humiliated my vanity. You might have used different words in a different order that would not refer to my unworthiness. You might have  stopped to consider my feelings for a moment, and said the exact same thing less loudly so I would not be able to  hear you.”</p><p>"Hello darkness, my old friend." Mr. Darcy groaned. “It has come to my attention that I am a terrible person.”</p><p>“Let this be a comfort to you,” said Mr. Hurst. “If millions of mindless monkeys babbled random syllables for millions of years, eventually one of them would come up with the exact sequence of insulting sounds that you used, so you are not alone in your predicament.”</p><p>Mr. Darcy seemed to be in some pain.   “I wish to make my stupidity up to you somehow, but I do not know how.”</p><p>“Well, I suppose we should try to get along, regardless,” said Miss Elizabeth. “If Mr. Bingley and Jane come to an understanding it would be uncomfortable to be always fighting with you.”</p><p>“Is she serious about him?,” Mr. Darcy asked. “Forgive me, but I heard your mother express some rather mercenary thoughts about him at the assembly.”</p><p>“Mercenary? You mean that she would be delighted if her daughter married a wealthy, nice, handsome gentleman, I assume.”</p><p>“Well, yes.”</p><p>“How many mothers do you know that you could not say the same thing about? Your own aunt announced your engagement to your cousin...”</p><p>“That is different.”</p><p>“Because she is rich and titled  and we are not.” Miss Elizabeth seemed annoyed again.</p><p>“So much for trying to get along,” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>“Please, I do not mean to offend you. I am just worried that Bingley might be stuck in a loveless marriage if your mother pressured her to accept an eligible offer.”</p><p>“My mother has five daughters, all unmarried,” said Miss Elizabeth coolly. “There is absolutely no evidence that my mother is able to trap unsuspecting gentlemen into offering for us against their will, their reason or their character.  But should Mr. Bingley prove foolish enough for that, he is probably better off with a kind person like Jane than some other harridan that he could be marrying.” </p><p>“Bear in mind that we are all here on this remote hill at this unholy hour because Miss Bennet and Charles arranged a clandestine meeting,” said Mr. Hurst. “I think it is safe to say they might harbour some mutual inclination towards each other.”</p><p>“Right,” Miss Elizabeth said. “Jane usually tells me everything but she has not confided in me about Mr. Bingley. I think it may be a sign that her heart is attached, but who knows. We are all a bit distracted about this scary fever.”</p><p>“How are you dealing with it?” Mr. Darcy asked.</p><p>“I hardly know. There seems to be so little that anyone knows for certain, and I wish I had more information.”</p><p>“Yes, I have often thought the same.”</p><p>“That is the problem with book readers,” Mr. Hurst said. “We already know all there is to know about this disease, which is to say, next to nothing. But book readers will always feel unsettled unless they have read in a book that the scientists know next to nothing.”</p><p>“You should write that book,” Mr. Darcy said.</p><p>“The Science According to Gilbert Hurst, Esq.,” said Mr. Hurst. “It would be a pretty short book, short enough for me to read.”</p><p>When the path to Netherfield diverged from the Longbourn path, Mr. Hurst mounted his horse and said he would ride home. He wanted his breakfast.</p><p>“Or my second breakfast, as my wife might say,” he said. “ I thought exercise would help me get slimmer but all this riding is doing is making me hungry as a hippopotamus.”</p><p>“Are they known for being particularly hungry?” Mr. Darcy asked.</p><p>“One cannot get into that shape without being hungry all the time. Take it from one who knows.”</p><p>“Point taken.”<br/>
“If you ever get the chance, Miss Elizabeth, would you mind telling my wife that my weight makes me look like a distinguished gentleman?  At this rate I will never get any of it off, so it had better be fashionable.”</p><p>“My cousin, Mr. Collins, says it is a sin to be a picky eater,” offered Miss Elizabeth. “One ought to appreciate all God’s glorious gifts.”</p><p>“Goodness, I had no idea that I was so pious,” Mr. Hurst said. “I have appreciated more than my fair share I am sure.”</p><p>Mr. Darcy would not accompany Mr. Hurst but insisted that Miss Elizabeth needed his escort all the way home to Longbourn. Returning to the wildlife theme, he implied there might be hordes of rabid dogs, boars, wolves, or some other sort of dangerous animal that was not currently known to reside in the area, that only he could protect her from.</p><p>“All right, I will leave you at it,” Mr. Hurst said cheerfully. “If you get attacked by a ferocious argument on the way, remember that you both like a plain dish better than a ragout, so you do have at least some common ground.”</p><p>“I never understood that saying,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p><p>“I imagine common ground is supposed to bring you closer to the opponent somehow,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“I know that but is it not easier to fight if you are standing close enough? I am no fencer but I have seen pictures, and if you and your opponent are on separate islands neither of you is ever going to be able to reach and make a hit.”</p><p>“Famous,” said Mr. Hurst. “The lady is able to give you some fencing tips, Darcy. It is a great topic, just go on talking about that. Sabers and foils are always a subject that makes a lady energetic. En garde!”</p><p>Mr. Hurst rode away.</p><p>Mr. Hurst would have been sorely disappointed to know that his companions had no time to get into another argument before they reached Longbourn. Mr. Darcy told Miss Elizabeth a little about his fencing practice. She mentioned a book that had a dramatic fencing scene. Mr. Darcy thought that the scene was completely unrealistic as far as the fencing moves were concerned, but he said that the encounter moved the plot forward nicely. They spoke of books the rest of the way, trying to determine the ideal page count for different genres of books and wondering how long it would take to write a medium length novel or a collection of poems. Both of them agreed that writing masterful verse would probably require plenty of patience, careful weighing of words and a lot of editing. While bad poetry could never be as enjoyable, writing it had to be a much more efficient use of time.</p><p>When they reached the vicinity of Longbourn they caught up with Miss Bennet and Mr. Bingley who had stopped to wait for Miss Elizabeth.</p><p>“I did not want to go in without you,” said Miss Bennet. Either she was suddenly mindful of propriety and adequate chaperonage, or she had wanted to spend more private time with Mr. Bingley. It was hard to tell. </p><p>“Well, here I am,” said Miss Elizabeth. “Shall we?”</p><p>“Is it too early to visit with your family?” asked Mr. Bingley.</p><p>It was still quite early but they came across Mrs. Bennet in the garden. Somebody was playing pianoforte inside the house, as they could hear the dulcet echoes of a funeral hymn.</p><p>“Good morning, Mrs. Bennet,” said Mr. Bingley.</p><p>“Good morning,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“We were out on estate business and had the great fortune to meet with the eldest Miss Bennets on the way,” Mr. Bingley continued.</p><p>“Oh, Lizzy is always wandering in the hills,” Mrs. Bennet said. “She is quite the walker in this family, but Jane, I thought you were still abed.”</p><p>“No, I could not sleep late this morning.”</p><p>“Oh, it is no matter, you can have a nap later if you wish. Goodness knows we will not be entertaining today. This fever is such a dreadful thing. Girls, did you know that Mrs. Long is very ill?”</p><p>Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth exclaimed in some distress.</p><p>“Yes, it is true, Hill heard it from the Lucases’ groom in Meryton.”</p><p>“I hope she recovers completely,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“If everyone starts getting sick, Mr. Bennet might get it, and we shall not like the hedgerows.”</p><p>“Hedgerows are quite pretty but I find that solid fencing often works better,” said Mr. Bingley. “Is Mr. Bennet available? I have something I would seek his opinion about.”</p><p>“No, he is seeing to some roof repairs for a tenant. If this is about the fence at the south pasture he is aware of the problem and has already arranged for somebody to fix it on Thursday.”</p><p>“That is good to know,” said Mr. Bingley. “Mr. Bennet seems very attentive.”</p><p>“Fencing is a subject that should  always make an estate owner energetic,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“Oh yes, it is important to keep them in a good condition,” said Mrs. Bennet distractedly. “Whatever will Mrs. Long’s nieces do if she dies?”</p><p>“I hope none of them get sick,” said Miss Bennet.</p><p>“It was such a pretty morning, such a splendid sunrise,” said Mrs. Bennet, “and I am sure it is a sign that something horrible is about to happen. My nerves are such a wreck, and it is all just going to go downhill from here.”</p><p>-------<br/>I apologize for the song lyrics. Please let me know what you think in the comment section :)</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8 - A Sneaky Science Attack</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which we introduce some scientific backstory because proper lack of facts makes anything more convincing</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>SUSPENDING PLEASURES</h3><h4>CHAPTER 8 - A SNEAKY SCIENCE ATTACK</h4><p>Whenever Mrs. Bennet could do nothing to help, it generally aided her nerves to do something. The sewing basket had never been as empty before, and the linen cabinet had already been rearranged according to Lady Catherine DeBourgh’s recommendations that Mr. Collins had been able to recite to her. It took two hours, and when she was done, nobody but Mr. Collins was able to perceive any difference. When she started to eye the pantry and lament that none of the spices were in alphabetical order the cook felt an urge to  intervene and attempted to suggest several alternative projects that would not threaten her sense of functionality.</p><p> Eventually Mrs. Bennet was reminded of the ailing Mrs. Long and her quarantined family and thought they might need some fresh supplies. The cook thought it was a splendid idea to take them a care basket and collected the food items without further demur.</p><p>Miss Bennet did not feel like walking so Mrs. Bennet asked Miss Elizabeth to accompany her, or to be more exact, to carry the basket. Miss Lydia and Miss Catherine wanted to come too, just to get out of the house. They had no interest in carrying the basket, but it had been far too long that they had seen any of the officers. Miss Mary disapproved of her younger sister’s eagerness to venture outside and told them not to blame her if they met their death in Meryton. She was playing a funeral march on the pianoforte, somewhat more aggressively than the composer had intended.</p><p>Mr. Collins volunteered to accompany them as well. He might have offered to carry the basket had he only thought of it but being a more spiritual man he felt that he should offer a poor ailing widow his prayers. Miss Elizabeth attempted to convince him to stay at Longbourn, saying that the quarantine would necessarily require the family to limit visitors and if Mrs. Long wanted a priest they would surely prefer the local vicar that she was familiar with. Mr. Collins was affronted by this and asked if Miss Elizabeth thought his prayers to be less effective than those of the local clergy, and  if she believed in the power of prayer at all. Miss Elizabeth believed that his prayers would be just as likely to be heard if he prayed at Longbourn, but this answer proved unsatisfying. It is a truth universally acknowledged that if one’s conversational partner manages to redefine the argument so that to disagree with him is to deny one’s entire religion, one can have nothing further to say and may as well concede the defeat.   So off they went as one happy group.</p><p> Mrs. Bennet wanted to visit the apothecary first to see if Mr. Jones could recommend anything else that might be helpful to Mrs. Long. On the way there they met Mr. Bingley, Mr. Darcy and Mr. Hurst who greeted them from the other side of the street.</p><p>“Hello, Mrs. Bennet, Miss Elizabeth,” said Mr. Darcy. “Miss Catherine, Miss Lydia, Mr. Collins.”</p><p>“Happy to see you all hale and hearty, gentlemen,” said Mrs. Bennet.</p><p>“We meet again,” said Mr. Hurst. “Do you think we are doing this social distancing business right?”</p><p>Mr. Bingley was unable to believe that there could be any harm in speaking a few words on a quiet street. Mr. Collins assured Mr. Darcy that meeting him was a stroke of luck and Mr. Collins would surely remember to greet Lady Catherine DeBourgh on Mr. Darcy’s behalf when next he wrote a letter to his patroness.</p><p>“Thank you so much,” Mr. Darcy said. “Please do not trouble yourself too much for my sake, as  I can probably greet my relatives in a letter myself, if I apply myself in the attempt.”</p><p>Mr. Collins hurried to explain that he was in no way intending to suggest that Mr. Darcy was illiterate, for it was certainly quite obvious that a man in Mr. Darcy’s position must be in possession of a superior education, and he was sure that Lady Catherine DeBourgh would never countenance any illiteracy in any of her relatives, for one must necessarily become a proficient reader with enough practice.</p><p>“I do not think that my aunt likes to read,” Mr. Darcy said.</p><p>“Is Miss Bennet with you?” Mr. Bingley asked, rather unnecessarily in everyone else’s opinion. Mr. Darcy had been quite easily able to scan the group, visually establish everyone’s identity and name them all just moments earlier. </p><p>“No, she was a little tired and thought it would be too far to walk,” Mrs. Bennet said.</p><p>“She might have been expecting a visitor,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p><p>“Nonsense,” said Mrs. Bennet. “Who would visit at such a time? Have you forgotten that there is a plague going around? I fear Jane has not completely recovered from her recent illness yet and tires easily when walking.”</p><p>“I only wish we could have done more to aid her recovery,” Mr. Bingley said.</p><p>“I am sure you did all you reasonably could,” Mrs. Bennet said. “Have you made a decision about whether to hold the ball?”</p><p>“It may have to be cancelled,” Mr. Bingley said.</p><p>Miss Lydia and Miss Catherine appeared quite distressed about the possibility of the cancellation. Considering some of her earlier statements about the absolute necessity of having balls,  Mrs. Bennet might have been expected to join their lamentations,  but she was surprisingly calm and unperturbed. “Oh hush, girls, if the sky is about to fall and we are all going to die, what good are balls going to do for you?”</p><p>“Is Mr. Bennet going to be available if we ride to Longbourn?" Mr. Bingley asked.  "I was hoping to talk to him yesterday but your servant said he was not accepting visitors.”</p><p>“Oh indeed, Mr. Bingley, as his health has been quite precarious we thought it best that he should minimize his social contacts. Well, I thought it best, and for once he agreed with me.  One has to deal with the tenants,  and to eat one’s dinner, but one does not have to entertain guests. No offense intended. “</p><p>“None taken.”</p><p> “He has never been one to enjoy socializing so I am sure it was no hardship for him to suspend that pleasure.”</p><p>“I completely understand, but I had hoped that he would make an exception for me,” said Mr. Bingley. “Just once. It is a matter of some importance to me.”</p><p> “Oh, there is no need to confer with him, I am certain Mr. Bennet would tell you just to go ahead and cancel the ball already.”</p><p>“It is good to hear that he will not be affronted if we cancel the invitation.”</p><p>“To be sure he will not, he is not interested in big parties at all. Not that there are going to be that many people anyway.  I fear it would be a sad disappointment as the Longs have been quarantined, and the Lucases have decided to shelter at home so I am certain that they will not attend. Sir William has been to London recently, and I sure hope that he is not ill.”  </p><p>“The Gouldings sent their regrets too,” Mr. Bingley said.</p><p>“See, you would just have a great big ballroom all for yourself,” Mrs. Bennet said. “You would feel like a bilberry in a bucket.”  </p><p>Mrs. Bennet, Miss Catherine, Miss Lydia, and  Mr. Collins all went into the apothecary shop.  Mr. Bingley dithered for a moment but chose to accompany them inside. What his business with the apothecary was, he did not say. Miss Elizabeth wanted to check if the bookseller had received the books her father had ordered.  The book shop was just around the corner and the other two gentlemen walked in that direction with her.</p><p>Miss Elizabeth’s errand was unsuccessful as the shop was closed due to an illness in the family.  Mr. Darcy who was the most practiced in staring at windows was the first to notice that something  had been glued on the inside of  the shop window.</p><p>“It is an article from a recent medical newsletter, by several Harley Street doctors,” he said. Miss Elizabeth would not venture close enough to see the print, so he read the title aloud.  </p><p>“This article looks quite interesting,” he said, “although not very comforting. It is like a detective story about how they found out about the illness.”</p><p> “I am no longer sure if I want to know anything,” Miss Elizabeth said.  “It keeps getting worse with everything I learn.”</p><p>“That is my strategy,” Mr. Hurst said. “If I know nothing about it it cannot hurt me.”</p><p>“Ostrich, meet sand,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“Do you know any ostriches who got this fever? Hiding their head in the sand clearly works.”</p><p>A couple of the authors were familiar to Mr. Darcy, and he was able to convince Miss Elizabeth that Dr. Halliday was the best physician in London. “He has been our family doctor in town for fifteen years. Dr. Smithers tends to my uncle’s family.”</p><p>“In that case, I hope you are right and they know what they are doing.”</p><p>The article was titled, ‘Tracing The Origins Of An Outbreak Of A Novel Contagious Illness’. It was reported that the outbreak had originated in London, among the highest echelons of the society.</p><p>“What would we do without the high society,” Mr. Hurst said. “They are responsible for the silliest fashions, and now this.”</p><p>“Indeed, but we might still be unaware of the danger, had it started with some other people,” Mr. Darcy said.</p><p>Mr. Darcy continued reading aloud. The authors had first been alerted that something was amiss when they noticed an unusual peak in the number of serious fevers they were called upon to treat, including some unexpected deaths. High fever, respiratory distress, soreness of throat, and muscle pain were common.  Some patients had no fever but suffered from headaches or severe lethargy. Some had skin discolorations. Blood clotting was a potentially fatal complication. After recovery, there might be lingering symptoms such as tiredness, loss of appetite, or changes in the olfactory sense. There was enough variation in the symptoms that individual cases might be mistaken for a number of other ailments, but in the authors’ opinion the precise combination of symptoms in the outbreak seen as a whole was unique enough, and the outbreak had increased mortality and morbidity in a given restricted population so suddenly and unexpectedly, that it was reasonable to assume that it was a new disease entity. The authors freely admitted that the start of the epidemic might have gone completely unnoticed, had it originated in a poorer section of the society in which unattended deaths were more common and medical attention was more difficult to obtain. But as there were several peers and members of the Parliament among the first known victims their deaths caused more of a stir, and the similarities and the coincidences of timing and circumstances had attracted the attention of the medical community.</p><p>“The victims are not named here,” Miss Elizabeth said, “but I wonder if they are known to you. No one close, I hope.”</p><p>“As far as I am aware, none of the people I would call close are ill,” Mr. Darcy said. “But I have seen some people that I am acquainted with in the obituaries. My uncle is in the Parliament but he should be fine, according to the latest letter from my aunt.”</p><p>Mr. Hurst said essentially the same, although it must be noted that his uncles were in the graveyard, not in the Parliament.  </p><p>Mr. Darcy read on. Initially there had also been a criminal investigation. One of the victims had been in the middle of important but controversial political negotiations, when he suddenly got very ill and died. Shortly before his death he had attended a crowded soiree and gotten into several heated exchanges with people who disagreed with his views. His bereaved relatives suspected foul play, perhaps by the means of administration of a toxic substance. </p><p>“Good heavens!” Mr. Hurst exclaimed. “That must be old Roger Hetherington.”</p><p>“Oh, a friend of yours?” Miss Elizabeth asked.</p><p>“No, I have nothing to do with the political set,” Mr. Hurst said. “I do not agree with politics and politics do not agree with me. But I know his nephew Trevor, and the family was mighty upset. Somebody at the soiree had said that Hetherington ought to hang for something-or-other that he had done or refused to do and threatened to beat him, and when he got sick and died so soon afterwards they thought he must have been murdered. Trevor was sure that he had been poisoned.”</p><p>According to the article, this had proven to be a baseless suspicion.  When the investigators traced the victim’s contacts, searching for witnesses and other evidence, it emerged that several other people who had attended the same event had also fallen ill, including some peers, friends of the Regent, foreign dignitaries, politicians and other notable figures. A politically targeted attack started to seem increasingly unlikely when it was noted that the group of patients included parliamentarians on various sides of the issues as well as their wives and other people who were not personally involved in politics, and even several servants who had waited on the revellers. </p><p>“Well, at least it is somewhat egalitarian if it affects both lords and their grooms,” said Mr. Hurst.</p><p>“It would be really make a bad situation worse if the disease started to spread among the servants,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p><p>“I wonder what we could do to protect them,” Mr. Darcy said.</p><p>Although Mr. Hurst and Miss Elizabeth had professed reluctance to learn more themselves, everyone agreed that it was important to make sure all the servants knew the facts about the disease,. In some cases it would be very difficult for them to maintain social distance but it would be even harder if they were unaware of the need.</p><p>Returning to the article, they learned that the investigators had ruled out the possibility that someone had poisoned the refreshments at the soiree in a general manner,  not particularly caring who would be affected. This would not explain why the disease started spreading in the households of the first victims. The second wave of patients involved relatives and servants who had not been present at the soiree but had had contact with the sick people afterwards, either before or after they noticed the first symptoms.</p><p>“If my father was here he would say that partying must always be punished,” Miss Elizabeth said. “But getting a deadly disease seems too harsh a punishment, and giving it to your servants who were not having any fun at the party seems entirely unfair.”</p><p>The rest of the article contained fewer mysterious adventures and more uncertainty described in with scientific precision.  The method of transmission was largely unknown, although certain inferences could be made.  In all probability, the primary route that the contagion spread was via face to face contact. It would be premature to speculate what caused the illness but meeting disease carriers was definitely a risk. It appeared that the transmission might be airborne as it was not necessary to shake hands or touch or to have a conversation in order for the contagion to spread. Merely being in the same room might be enough. There was one case report of a maid who had never met the known patient in the household in person, having been hired after his death. She had fallen ill after cleaning the sick room, but in the absence of a diagnostic test to rule out infection, the possibility of contact with another unidentified carrier could not be ruled out. </p><p>“Case reports! Airborne transmission! Diagnostic tests! Unidentified carriers!” Mr. Hurst said. ““I guess this is what I deserve for walking down the street with book readers. I should have known better.  One may think one is safe, but science can attack you anywhere.”</p><p>“Be careful if you get attacked by trigonometry,” Miss Elizabeth said.  “Some of those angles are quite sharp.”</p><p>The doctors had used the data from the police investigation and from their own interviews to draw charts of the contacts people had had, attempting to trace the timeline of the disease spreading. They cautioned that some interviewees had been unable or unwilling to share their entire social history for recent weeks, and  hence the data was inevitably only partially reliable.  Based on the information that they had been able to gather it appeared that one might get infected after contact with someone who was not yet symptomatic and only became aware of their own infection later.  As the authors had no idea whether it was transferred by bad air, by toxic fumes, by minuscule particles that were invisible to the naked eye, or some other method, they could not recommend any specific  tools or medications  for preventing the contagion, but  as social contact was likely to be involved in most cases of transmission it stood to reason that reducing the volume of social contacts would be beneficial. The authors would advise everyone not to socialize unnecessarily, and if contact was unavoidable, people should keep more physical distance than they would in normal circumstances.</p><p>The one thing the authors seemed reasonably certain of was that there was nothing that could be done to cure the patients. Physicians might make them more comfortable and relieve some of the symptoms, but they were either healed or killed by nature, and everyone should do whatever they could to avoid getting infected or spreading the infection.</p><p>“Don’t stand so close to me,” said Mr. Hurst.</p><p>“As we live in the same household we have probably shared the same bad air regularly,” said Mr. Darcy, as he stepped back. ”You sat right next to me at the dinner table.”</p><p>“It is so hard to always keep the distance,” Miss Elizabeth said. “I frequently catch myself walking too close to a person, or thinking I should go see Charlotte, and then I remember...It feels very odd to be sitting in the opposite corners of the room and conversing from across the road takes some effort. It just does not come naturally.  And trying to keep Kitty and Lydia home all day is like herding fleas.”  </p><p>“Maybe large  hoop skirts will come back into fashion,” Mr. Hurst said. “Then it would not matter if we forget, for it would be impossible for anyone to get too close. If we were all wearing a huge hoop it would be like having large personal protective bubbles.”</p><p>“You could add spikes pointing outward for maximum effect,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“Oh yes, somebody could make a lot of money selling hedgehog hoops,” said Mr. Hurst.</p><p>It was not known why everyone who had contact with patients did not get ill. Likewise, it was unknown why some patients died,why  some suffered from severe symptoms but recovered, and why some patients got merely mild symptoms to begin with. Without a definitive diagnostic test, the authors would not yet venture to  estimate the exact mortality rate, as this was an area for further study. However, it appeared that people in the older age range might be more at risk of death, as well as those who had several pre-existing health conditions. This was based on very preliminary numbers but it seemed logical to assume that the young and the healthy could battle the illness better. It could not be presumed that they would not spread it in a similar extent, however. On the contrary, it was possible that  strong, resistant patients with only mild symptoms that they were hardly aware of might spread the contagion more among their circle of acquaintances than patients with a more severe case of the disease who were confined to the sickroom.  There might be some unknown factors that would increase or decrease the risk, but the authors would not present any hypotheses. Further research was necessary.</p><p>“You were right, Mr. Darcy,” Miss Elizabeth said. “This article was interesting but not the least bit comforting,”</p><p> “When scientists say that it is premature to speculate and that further research is necessary they mean that they know next to nothing, ” Mr. Hurst said. “I hate to say I told you so but I told you so several days ago.”</p><p>“Now we can believe it because if they put it in print, it must be true,” Mr. Darcy said.</p><p>“Just like novels,” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>“Verisimilitude often beats the reality,” Miss Elizabeth said.  “I would much rather be in a good story right now, one with a happy ending.”</p><p>“Did you hear that, Darcy?” Mr. Hurst asked. “She used the word verisimilitude in a sentence. Six syllables! How are you going to beat that?”</p><p>“Good thing it is now socially acceptable to distance yourself from book readers if you disapprove of having a vocabulary,” Mr. Darcy said.</p><p>“Maybe hermits had the right idea,” Mr. Hurst said.</p><p>“I would not wish to live in a complete solitude,” Miss Elizabeth said. “But no doubt one would hardly miss some acquaintances if they decided to make themselves scarce.”</p><p>Mr. Darcy  agreed.</p><p>“For once we are in perfect accord. And do you know what else?  Some people that I am familiar with have conversed very civilly for several minutes already,” Mr. Hurst said. He adopted his best lecturer voice. “Book readers are the happiest when burrowing inside well stocked libraries, but in the absence of books, stray medical bulletins that they encounter on the street may coax them into tranquillity.  Further research is indicated but it appears that science may have a calming effect on book readers.”</p><p>“We cannot argue about science,” Miss Elizabeth said.</p><p>“Facts are facts,” said Mr. Darcy.</p><p>“Certainly,” said Mr. Hurst, “and when the best doctors in London admit that they have no facts in their possession, nobody else needs to feel any pressure to be right all the time.”</p><p>The business at the apothecary having been concluded, Mr. Collins had reached the streetside science club first.  “Who would you be arguing with, Cousin Elizabeth? I hope you are not annoying Mr. Darcy.”</p><p>“Well, that is for Mr. Darcy to say,” Miss Elizabeth said. “I cannot read his mind.”</p><p>“Your cousin is everything that is charming,” Mr. Darcy reassured Mr. Collins. “We have been discussing poisonings and hoop skirts.”</p><p>These appeared to be magic words, for Mr. Darcy achieved something that no one who went before him had ever succeeded at. For once in his life, Mr. Collins was struck silent and had absolutely nothing to say.</p><p>  ---<br/>Please tell me what you thought...Did you catch the song?</p>
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